Nobody said it was easy, and nobody said it would be this hard. Perhaps what Coldplay was referring to was life in general…more specifically, the utterly confusing, frustrating and often times awful period of awkwardness that can be defined as our college years.
Being in college is a lot like being lost in a grocery store and not being able to find your mom–and by that I mean equal parts hilarious, and scary. We’re expected to develop ourselves as humans, fall in love with our friends and the people around us, and then suddenly we’re graduating and completely confused as to what comes next.
As usual, you asked and I answered some of your ~deep~ questions about dealing with everything from a friend’s betrayal to the future to simply not giving a you-know-what anymore as a senior.
Question: Hi Lo- I’m such a mess right now. I have a group of five girl friends and we have been soul sisters since day one of freshman year. It is sophomore year now and for some reason we all just aren’t as close as we once were. To make matters worse, one friend is secretly hooking up with my other friends newly ex-boyfriend. I’m so stuck right now Lo, should I tell my friend the truth or is it not my place? Also, if I tell my one friend am I betraying the other?
Lo: Hi! I think what you are going through is completely normal, and I want you to know that the transition between freshman and sophomore year is a huge one. Now that you’re no longer living in a dorm, you’re automatically distancing yourselves from each other because you simply just aren’t constantly around each other anymore. When you’re living in a dorm, it’s super easy to hang out with your girlfriends, go to lunch, the tech, or whatever else because you can simply walk down the hallway and ask them to go with you. I think that might be partially to blame for the distance between your friend group. As for your one friend hooking up with your other friend’s ex…yikes. It seems to me like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know you don’t want to betray either one of your friends, but if this information is weighing heavily on your mind, I think your best move is to be honest and tell your friend the truth about what’s going on with her ex. Look at this way: If you were in her shoes, would you want to find out from one of your BFFs, or someone else? Don’t lose hope on your friend group just yet, the semester is still young and everyone is still getting back in the swing of things. I hope this helped!
Question: As a college senior, how should I motivate myself to care more? I’m finding it difficult to care about my school work and relationships since I know I only have a little bit of time left.
Lo: I can definitely relate to this right now. I think as a senior it’s easy to say, “who cares, I won’t see these people ever again” or, ‘this class doesn’t actually matter.’ The truth is, you probably will see these people again. Philadelphia (and planet Earth) is a small world, and I think it’s important to keep that in mind even when the difficulties of senior year start to creep up on you. One of my favorite quotes is, “It’s better to be the one that smiled than the one that didn’t smile back.”
Question: How do you deal with the pressure that you graduate soon and basically have to have your life figured out by then?
Lo: Here’s my honest answer: Not well. I think there’s an extremely unrealistic expectation for both high school and college seniors in the sense that we’re expected to know exactly what it is we want out of life, what jobs we want to apply for, where we want to live, etc. Personally, I freak out about this all the time, and it keeps me up at night. It shouldn’t. The fact of the matter is, that’s not how life works. Ask anyone. I’d like to consider life one giant “trial and error.” While it may be agonizing, I think it’s important to have a time in our lives where we’re just trying things out and experimenting with our careers, and our happiness in general. That’s what calms me down when the thought of being a real person and “adulting” enters my mind. Just take things one step at a time, and know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and that there’s multiple roads that lead to the same castle.
Question: How do manage juggling all your different responsibilities and making sure that one doesn’t get neglected?
Lo: I guess the easy answer to this would be “time management” and “use a planner,” but I’m going to give to the honest to goodness unadulterated truth because that’s what you deserve. Really, I think the key to juggling a full plate of responsibilities is to prioritize, and breathe. I’m the biggest culprit when it comes to getting way too stressed out over silly things, and I constantly have to tell myself to relax. While it’s difficult to give all facets of your life an equal amount of time in the spotlight, I think the best thing you can do is give each of your activities, classes, whatever it might be it’s own individualized attention. While you’re working on something for one club, don’t think about the other. This will help you avoid being scatterbrained or forgetting something important. I know weekends are supposed to be for relaxing, but make sure you use your weekends to your advantage and plan out how you will be spending your week. Give yourself mini deadlines, and reward yourself when you accomplish something.
See you next week!
XOXO,
Lo
As always, I’m accepting more questions! Ask me anything; it’s 100% anonymous!
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6QK6QQW