During season one of Black-ish, Anthony Anderson’s character Dre explains that among fellow blacks, whether or not there was a familiarity, in situations where they were in a predominantly white space, they gave “the nod.” Such a nod was an acknowledgement of respect and solidarity, a shared history, and experience relayed in just a single motion. Ever since this episode aired, when I have “nodded,” I have not been able to stop thinking of how universal and significant it is. But most importantly, the nod is a necessity.
I attend Temple University, where the student body is 55% white, attend class where I am the only or one of few students of color, and have had very few professors who are also of color. While these things are not particularly bothersome in my day-to-day life, I still found myself a few days ago, giving “the nod” to a fellow member of Temple’s Panhellenic Association who also happened to be a woman of color. I have never had a conversation with her, but I think it is safe to say that she knows me and I know her and there are just some things that you do when passing someone with that much of a shared identity.
Ever since I was in elementary school, I was positive that when the time came and I would go to college, I would join a sorority. At that age, I was only aware of the Divine Nine and Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, so for years I dreamed of strolling while wearing pink and green, my pinky up. I wasn’t even sure back then what I hoped to get out of a sorority, but it is safe to say that by the time I was on my way to college, I had essentially formulated all of my rush week talking points by attempting to pinpoint why I wanted to be in Greek life as I stalked the Instagrams of sororities at my prospective colleges.
So it was a surprise to no one who knew me when, in the Spring of 2016, I became a member of Alpha Xi Delta. It was everything that I could have ever asked for, but I realized soon that not everyone embraced my membership in this organization with warmth and congratulations, but rather with “So why didn’t you become a Delta or AKA?” and the rolled or side-eye.
I had researched a few times prior to going through Panhellenic recruitment what it was like to be black in a sorority, but nothing that the Internet could tell me was what I wanted to know or hear. It always seemed sugarcoated and about as blind to the real question as Americans are were asked, “Is the country ready for a black president?” The answer is simply, yes. I suppose that what young women of color are yearning to know upon deciding whether or not to join a Panhellenic sorority is if they will be treated differently during any of the formal processes of becoming and being a sister than their white counterparts. If that is the question, then being a woman of color in Panhel is a seamless, wonderful experience. After all, you chose your sorority and your sorority choses you–in cliché Greek life terms, it was meant to be. However, I have an inkling that that is not what young women of color are typically curious about.
The full truth is that there are days when I wonder if I would have been better of as a member of the Divine Nine, whether it be at a probate or when I go on Twitter and have to decide which stance I will take on certain issues. To be black in America is not always easy, so naturally, to be a woman of color in a predominately white sorority is not always easy either.
The vast majority of my sisters (and there is nearly a whopping two-hundred) are liberal and #woke. I have never felt the need to avoid any specific sisters because of a rumored race bias, but it does not mean that I have never raised my eyebrows for those “just in case” moments or read something that someone may have posted on social media that was not at all in line with what I believe to be right politically which absolutely infuriated me. It does not mean that there have not been times at socials where the “N-word” has played in a song and the sister of color wait eagerly to see if their sisters will say it. In fact, I have seen the absurd, offensive, racist things that Greek organizations across the country have done and not only am I astounded, but I am disgusted. Particularly it is in these moments that I step back and ask myself, “Why am I here to begin with?”
I joined Alpha Xi Delta for its motto, “The pen is mightier than the sword”, its reputation for inclusivity on campus, the incredible sisters who formed the Iota Chi chapter, inspiration, and networking. I have been in predominately white circles and communities my entire life, but I know that I am not anomalous nor “the norm” because I have sisters and other women of color sorority women that I know who attended all-black schools in all black communities. Whenever I have seen something racist, misogynist, or homophobic done by a member of Greek life in any chapter of any organization at any university, I am outraged. However, this outrage does not necessitate that I rescind my membership. It is entirely possible that I could experience these same sentiments and then, what would I do? I joined Alpha Xi Delta and ironically, it brought me closer to my blackness and my womanhood. Joining my sorority, through my sisters has actually helped me recognize myself and formulate my identity. I am not afraid to be the young, gifted, and black woman that I am just because I am a member of a predominately white sorority and that fact alone helps me to stand out.
Fellow Panhel member Paige Hill said, “When it comes to mentorship, it’s nice to have someone that looks like you”. She also notes that joining a sorority is about “the learning experience and overall, you will grow in sisterhood with some amazing, empowering women”. For Zelina Williams, she touches on the values of Temple that are reflected back in Greek life, “Panhel has a great representation of girls from all walks of life and those differences make everyone unique as individuals and chapters.” Connecting with the women of color in other sororities is also a large help that happens almost naturally—it’s our version of “the nod”.
Women of color in Panhel all have this same shared experience together and we are resources, mentors, and sisters to each other. Of course none of us can speak for the state of Panhellenic sororities elsewhere, nor the Interfraternity Council here at Temple, but as far as Panhel goes here, it is an environment tailored to be open to differences and diversity and not only should those efforts be commended, but I am proud to say I am part of that.
It is hard to be a person of color in the United States. It is difficult in the workplace, in college, on the road, and in the supermarket. I have been in predominantly white spaces for most of my life, so I am no stranger to the ignorance experienced on daily basis. Who I am as a person though, is not solely determined by my race and as such when I choose to enter organizations such as Alpha Xi Delta, my goal is to surround myself with women whose interests intersect best with mine.
My struggle and successes as a black woman are not validated by every single one of the institutions and organizations that I have chosen to associate myself. Joining a Greek organization does not exacerbate any of these challenges, nor does it amend them. What it does do is create a greater cognizance of oneself in terms of race and gender and it hopefully inspires young women of color to continue being the magnificent women that they are alongside other inspiring, formidable women to realize their potential.
This piece was originally published on April 13, 2017.