This morning Facebook shoved a video of my year in photographs to the top of my news feed, putting a halt to my regular social media stalking so I could “reflect on 2016” and all the memories I shared. Oddly enough, I can say with confidence, “so long 2016– you will not be missed!”
Now, more than ever, I am ready for a clean slate– a fresh start, a reason to stop counting up every reason the world has not been fair these last few months. I am ready to find a new positive attitude to propel myself forward, instead of continuing my tally of “how the hell did THAT happen on top of everything else”. Now, I realize that announcing that a whole year of my lifetime was nothing more than a complete and utter disaster, may seem a little negative, but it honestly feels like a weight off my shoulders. With the end of 2016, I can finally be given the push to say “good bye” to all the lows of the year I have been dwelling on– the failures, the heartbreaks, the rejection I faced time after time. I recently watched Charlie Day give a graduation speech, in which he said “Be willing to fail, let yourself fail… Fail, pick yourself up, and fail again. Because without this struggle, what is your success anyway?”.
For me, 2016 may not have been a great year, but it has been monumental in the sense that it has changed who I am, and made me more resilient. And amongst all the failure, I learned a few things along the way:
1. In life, there is no balance.
I often find myself justifying everything that happens with the workings of the universe. I have always been a believer in “everything happens for a reason” and “good things will come to those who wait”. And while I haven’t quite kicked those ideas to the curb, I found that there is no comfort in justifying bad things with the promise that something miraculous is about to happen. It just leads to more disappointment—when you thought you found rock bottom, and suddenly it drops another 50ft. However, for the sake of my own sanity, I can’t chalk all of this years events up to some sort of universal karma dumping on me. Instead, I’ve come to terms with the idea that some things, just…well… happen. Sometimes the worst of the worst occurs, and it’s not your fault, your luck, your punishment for not studying for that quiz and still getting an “A”—it’s just life, without rhyme or rhythm.
2. There is nothing more dangerous than constant comparison.
Anyone who knows me knows I am completely guilty when it comes to comparing my life to others. I suffer from a lack of understanding the phrase “life’s not fair”. “Why?”, I always wonder, like a toddler fumbling for answers about everyday, unexplained occurrences. In my own mind, I believe that if you have the passion, the love, the drive and the skills for something, it should be yours. Whether it be internships, applied for positions, relationships, grades—there have been times this year when I promise I have invested every ounce of my soul into something and come out on the other side empty-handed.
I have always been horrible when it comes to math, and I remember in middle school, I spent days and nights studying for tests, only to be greeted by giant, red “C’s”. After one particularly memorable middle school melt down, I remember my dad telling me “I know you work hard, but some people just have to put in more effort than others for the exact same result. It’s not fair, but you’re just one of those people that is going to have to work really hard in life”. While this tidbit of wisdom did rattle me a little, I’ve kept it in the corner of my mind since then, pulling it out whenever I see people around me being handed things that I would have given an arm and a leg for. 2016 has been the reminder I needed that I was not cut out for a world that just hands me things—Natalie Portman said it best, reminding us that “You can never be the best technically. Someone will always have a higher jump or a more beautiful line. The only thing you can be the best at is developing your own self”.
3. Girlfriends are everything—let yourself be vulnerable to them.
Despite the rocky year I had, the one thing I can say is that I came out of it with stronger friendships. I allowed myself to lean on these girls—and they welcomed me with open arms, beds, and an endless supply of love. These are the girls who instantly read the screenshots I forward to them from my most recent f*ckboy, and immediately spam me with advice for how to reply, along with encouraging words of how “he’s not worth it” and “you deserve so much better” (along with a few more explicit replies J). These are the girls whose apartment I sprint to after a rejection email, who tuck me into their bed and let me spend the day crumbled in tears, until I’m ready to put my brave face back on and keep going. These are the girls who FaceTime me during an all-nighter in Moudy, keeping me company so I am not alone with my thoughts for all twelve hours. These are the girls who don’t need to say anything, but simply plug the Pregame playlist into our speakers and let The Chainsmokers do the rest of the job. These are the girls who know when you need to make poor decisions, self-destruct, and lose all self control– but are there to pick up the pieces when the outcome is just as bad as the reason you did it all in the first place. These are the girls who made getting out of bed possible, when all I wanted to do was shrink away under the covers, and shut out the world. These are the girls who have seen every corner of my soul—the good and the bad—and have loved me unconditionally, despite everything.
4. You can handle it.
“Put your hair up in a bun, drink some coffee and handle it”, this is a quote that appears on almost every girls’ Pinterest board, and yet is relevant enough to include in this article. The truth is, no matter what life throws at us, I have found there are two alternate routes you can take: you can either throw a pity party with Adele, Ben & Jerry, and walk to class every day with the dark feeling that your life is a scrambled meaningless mess that is officially out of your control, OR you can shower, put a new lipstick on, and conquer the world no matter how impossible it is to do at that moment. If you’ve been rejected from the only thing you wanted in life, find a new thing to want. If your classes are stressing you out, dump some caffeine into your body, turn your group chat on “do not disturb”, and hibernate in the library. If your romantic life is such a joke, that Nicholas Sparks movies have officially been deemed “comedy” by you, then quit trying. Yes, you heard me right—stop putting in that much effort. We are in college—now is not the time to be freaked out about ending up celibate and alone on our 35th birthday. All that time you spend reloading your Snapchat to see if he opened it, or feeling down on yourself because he didn’t text you yet today—you’re wasting some of the best years of your life, investing your emotional well-being in an immature moron who definitely doesn’t spend this much time thinking about you. Buckle down and respond to the emails you keep meaning to come back to, get out of bed and throw a load of laundry in while you “write your essay” (or binge watch the new Gilmore Girls), schedule your hair appointment, and walk to the post office before it closes so you can finally get the giant box of Black Friday shoes that don’t fit, out of your room (and the money back into your bank account—which should be motivation enough). Like I said, “put your hair up in a bun, drink some coffee and handle it”.
So, 2016, in the most unconventional way, you have helped me as a human being. While the stories I have from this year are not exactly happy ones, they are the most valuable—because I now know when my friend, or even future daughter, show up to my room in tears, I can say “don’t worry, I’ve been there”, and continue to tell them with complete honesty “you’ll come out of this stronger than you were”, because I did. This New Years Eve, when the ball drops, the champagne pops, and everyone screams “Happy New Year!”, I will be the loudest, happiest and most hopeful—because I know for a fact, after 2016, it really will be a very happy New Year. Show me what you got, 2017—I’m ready for you.