Even before February began, red roses, pink hearts and nude cupids have been rearing their heads in anticipation of Valentine’s Day. It is well-known that the holiday has morphed into a purely commercial celebration, and frankly, it’s quite tacky. Thus, while the internet attempts to make conversation hearts aesthetic and Hollywood parades fifty shades of rouge, I will explore the root cause of this whole mess (well, actually, most messes): love.
Though affection and romance are relayed differently across the world, they are all translated into the universal language of love. People have been trying to streamline what love is supposed to be, how it is supposed to look like and when it should happen. People are so obsessed with it that they dictate how, when and if others are supposed to fall in love. Regardless of culture, it is not uncommon for men and women to be pushed into finding a life partner at a certain age.
Speaking of tying the knot, arranged marriages are common in South Asian families and western ideals seem to stigmatize it. For clarification, there is a stark difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages. Forced marriages occur when parents or close family members fix the junction of two individuals without giving those who are to be married any say in the decision. Although this could be successful, it usually causes difficult and abusive situations, especially for the girls involved. Arranged marriages provide time—usually a few months—and a proper decision to accept or reject by the individuals involved. The parents of the son will meet with the daughter’s parents to see if both children were brought up with similar values and personalities. If both are compatible, they would set up a time for their children to meet and let them decide if they want to tie the knot. Arranged marriages is truly conjoining two families together rather than just two people.
But that’s scary. You can’t know someone for a few months and have a successful marriage, right? Wrong. The thing with arranged marriages is that two people are getting married before they fall in love. Love comes later. Oftentimes, those who love each other and then get married look for reasons not to separate, but those who marry someone they know they will be compatible with look for reasons to fall in love.
In fact, I saw this with my own parents. My mother was 19 when she knew she would eventually be marrying my father. Now, 20 years later, they are still happily married and definitely in love. This is not to say they did not experience any difficulties or that their journey together was always easy. When are relationships ever constantly smooth-sailing?
Arranged marriage is just one way that provokes love differently than western culture does. It is so common to think that there is only one way to fall in love, that is by dating someone completely of your choosing for a really long time, but this “try before you buy” concept is not evident in other cultures and that is okay.
I am not trying to argue that arranged marriage is superior to love marriage. I am only claiming that it is different. Personally, I do not know if I will get an arranged marriage or not. At this point in my life, I would be lying if I said I would never consider it. While I am only 19 and do not plan on getting married for a while, I know that there are many different ways of falling in love and I will continue to be open-minded.