Good thing my (then) boyfriend didn’t need to fill out any demographic paperwork, because as far as my family was concerned, he was 23. Although 23 did suit him well, he was actually 28 at the time. The 10 year age difference subsequently made me feel that much more mature at the time. Little did I know, that 10 years meant much more than I initially thought it would. Originally, this was going to be a blog post with tips on how to date an older guy. As I brainstormed, I began soul searching, and the post morphed into a collection of complaints that resonated to warnings. Although I had my fair share of great times with him, time literally took a toll on the relationship. So I hereby give you a little list of whatto expect when dating an older guy.
1. Money – Money is always a motive. Who doesn’t love getting wined and dined? Sometimes I would even wake up to coffee money on the bedside table. It was great; I have no complaints when it comes to free and easy lattés. Older guys always tend to pick up the tab, so it’s almost like you have no worries when it comes to food. And on a broke girl budget, it’s always a no brainer to accept free meals.
The downside? Those men who are nearing 30 (or already in that decade) are probably already thinking about a joint checking account. Complete red flag. In my case, you could end up paying cable bills or buying groceries that you don’t even eat. Keep your finances to yourself, even if he does offer to buy you bottles of Dom Perignon.
2. Maturity – I went for an older guy because I saw years beyond what was my youth. I thought he had it all together and that he was totally and completely mature. I believed in the cliché thought that older guys are more mature.
Low and behold, I was sadly mistaken. Of course all men are different, but let’s face it, any guy who’s that interested in being with a girl ten years his junior, might have some unresolved issues. If he’s over 30 and single, there could quite possibly be an underlying problem. If his track record is solely younger women, there could absolutely be a problem. Women typically tend to either overestimate or underestimate a man’s maturity. When I heard 28, I thought, “yup, he’s mature!” And although it was refreshing to be rid of the horny high schools boys and the cocky college guys, I quickly realized when older men are in a relationship they act like complete children. In my circumstances, it was almost as if he had finally found somebody to take care of him. Maturity isn’t all what it cracks up to be. I quickly said goodbye to goofy girls nights and hello to a post-work hungry boyfriend to cook for. Don’t get caught up with the age, and don’t admire what seems to be maturity; disappointment is never a good feeling. After all, I was the one who did the dumping in the end.
3. Settling – While being in a committed, monogamous, long term relationship might suit some, when others hear the word “settle” it can send off smoke signals. After this guy has wined and dined you, “settling down” becomes the next plan of action. It’s deciding if he’s worth settling for. If there’s no existing reason not to, and his bank account isn’t the only thing that’s big, consider it. After all, there are only so many sleepovers and pre-morning preps we can do in these years.
In my relationship, the new puppy is what kept me around. But let’s face it, puppies become dogs, and when men have women around they soon become slobs. It’s really the simple evolution that I will forever be familiar with. While settling down can be great, depending at which age you and the guy both are, it can evidently bring problems. I noticed that not only did I settle in his apartment with the puppy, but I also settled with myself. The gluten free bread and almond milk quickly turned into take out and ice cream on the couch. At one point or another, men accept women for who they are, and at one point, mine accepted me as the girl who could no longer fit in her skinny jeans. As soon as his friends start getting engaged to their girlfriends and you receive wedding invitations in the mail, I urge you to run to for the hills. Older men will have a ring on your finger before you can even think of putting a graduation cap on your head. Unless it’s a couple carats by Harry Winston, and your relationship is like Blair and Chucks, I suggest carrying on to bigger and better.
Money, maturity, and settling are three huge, main factors that come with dating an older guy. Although there’s nothing wrong with being with somebody who has money, maturity, and wants to settle, you can find yourself at odds if you are still in your late teens or early twenties. Just because MK Olsen can hang with an older man, doesn’t mean everyone can. Choose wisely. After all, just like the digits in a bank account, age is just a number.