It would seem like common sense, that people would just know how to be a friend, but unfortunately, that is not the case. There are approximately seven billion people on Earth, all so unique, and different from one another. In our lifetimes, we are lucky to cross paths with certain souls that either stick with us for the rest of our lives or teach us an important lesson. No matter how you view friendships, one of its main functions is to teach us how to be a friend. There’s no handbook. From the moment we enter daycare or the school system, we are thrown defenseless, with no clue of how social relationships work, outside of our home.
It’s one of our biggest mistakes to think that everyone is like us. We love praising our individuality but when it comes to relationships with other people, there’s an implicit expectation that everyone follows the same book, and that everyone is aware of the rules of social interaction. This expectation only leads to disappointment because unfortunately, not everyone is going to treat you how you treat them. People are not going to have the same heart as you or handle things just like you would. Once you learn that, you’re able to handle the fact that humans are not perfect and that mistakes do happen; it is in our nature. It becomes easier to let go of the hurt and not swim in a perpetuating pool of resentment.
Loving yourself allows for a space where only you know what you deserve, and what things or people are meant for you. It is great to accept the fact that people are not like you, and that they make mistakes, however, when an individual brings more negativity than positive vibes into your life, well that’s what we call a toxic friendship. This type of friendship is the hardest to remove out of our lives because of the genuine love and care that we have for that person. Toxic friendships are ones that lack reciprocity. It’s those relationships where you feel like you’re the only making the effort to speak to them or even hang out. It is those friendships where you constantly feel invisible because the other person only cares about themselves and only wants to speak about themselves too. It is the type of friendship that leaves you feeling empty and unloved, due to the lack of appreciation.
Don’t get me wrong, toxic friends are not bad people… at all. It is just that you and that individual are not compatible, and if anything, this relationship brings the negative aspects of yourself out. If being friends with someone causes you to speak ill of that person, to gossip or to wish bad upon them, then you, my friend, are toxic AS WELL. Toxic friendships are not about one of the members being a victim while the other one is the culprit. Toxic friendships are a two-way stream that must be stopped in order to avoid really bad damage.
So you’re stuck in a toxic friendship, what can you do about it? Well, it all depends on the level of care and love that you have towards that individual. You have to really sit down and decide if this is even a friendship that you would like to salvage. If the answer is yes, then COMMUNICATE! Love yourself enough to stand up for yourself, and to speak on the things that bother you. Sit your friend down and let them know how they have made you feel. BEWARE: They might take it as a personal shot and get defensive. Some people are not able to hear about themselves without getting angry or taking it to a place that it didn’t need to be in. If that’s the case, let them cool down. However, do not compromise what you want to say for the sake of their feelings, you have done that enough. If they care about you, they will take your words as constructive criticism and will actually make those changes, because they love you and don’t want to lose you.
Now, if you speak to them and they say that they’re going to change, but you just fall back into the same routine, well it’s time to cut them off, baby girl. You do not even need to warn them because you already did that. That person does not deserve you, and it’s time to invest in people that invest time in you. If the answer to the previous question is no, well honestly there’s no point in communicating. Your lack of care should tell you that you’ve been hurt to the point of being numb to this person, so you should not even waste your time. Distance yourself slowly and at some point, they’ll get it. It is time to stop watering everyone’s gardens but your own.
Only have positive people in your life that will support and feed your soul the way every human deserves to.