Ladies, ladies, ladies. Whether you already have a trusty post-break up routine, just got out of your first relationship and don’t know how to handle this mayhem, or have successfully avoided messy relationships altogether, I’m here to offer you some insight into what goes down after you end things with somebody. Most importantly though, I am also here to pick you up (if you haven’t already done so yourself) and show you how this new chapter in your life has a lot to offer you and amy not be so bad. So loosen your bra straps and listen up!
The First Hump
I know the first stage after a breakup is a conflict between wanting to talk to them, and wanting to roundhouse kick them in the face. At first you might want to reach out to catch up with them. You’re curious about how their families cruise vacation went, and if they are still up to date with the new season of the Bachelorette and that crazy girl Corinne’s scenes. Then, you argue with yourself that you would rather see them get kicked out of school and be caught doing something illegal and get arrested and go behind bars for the rest of their life. For a little bit, you will alternate between these two emotions but I’m here to tell you that eventually this internal bickering finds its end.
You’ll come to realize that there is a reason this person has been removed from your life, and they no longer encourage the positive direction you are moving in. It may be hard at first, but after you realize how much of a catch you are and that some people can’t handle all that you entail (which is greatness), you move into the “moving on” stage. Only instead of moping around like a sad limp creature, you make a comeback out of it. Just like *spoiler* Jon Snow did.
Do That Thing Called Whatever You Want
It’s now time to put yourself first. Get back to focusing on what makes you happy and learn to love your own company and who you are.
Preach, T.
Now you can do things without worrying about anyone else’s opinions that might have held you back before. Been wanting to chop six inches off your locks but your ex said they liked you better with long hair? Make that appointment with your hair stylist and get that haircut you’ve had pinned on your Pinterest for months. Snip away! Been wanting to rock that sick, dark lipstick out but your ex said it looked weird and gothic? Grab a friend and dance your way to Sephora and try out every hue of the dark colors you think you’d like, and go as dark as your heart desires. I’m not saying to go crazy on me and get a spontaneous tattoo (unless you want to and have for awhile then YAAAS GO FOR IT), but basically what I’m saying is to embrace the brave BA boujee bish you truly are. Are you gonna let unwarranted opinions slow ya roll?
Find the Things That Always Kept You Grounded and Dive Back into Them
Did you ever feel like during your relationship you were a little bit held back from doing the things you used to do on your free time? Did you used to do yoga and stopped after getting distracted? Did you used to run a lot and had that #gymgrind on lock down before you got too busy for it? Well, now it’s time to get back to the stuff you were rockin’ that you may have dropped. Join that gym again! Sign up for another yoga class package! Get yourself into a routine of staying busy and dive into your school work. Watch yourself excel while you have no worries besides working on yourself, for yourself.
You’ll always have your girls. You know those people who are basically your soul sisters and just thinking about how much you love them could bring tears to your eyes? Yeah, those ones. Obviously you were always in touch and close with them, but now they get to cheer you on throughout this process and take you out to distract you from dealing with anything that reminds you of that ex. These people will also be excited to have you back to being back on for plans. They’re the ones to hype you up when you’re back on your bullsh*t.
They’ll always be there with your favorite things and hold your heart close to theirs. Go have a photoshoot at the beach with them and post a cute selfie ‘cause why not. Your best friends are your very own personal photographers and this is the time to take advantage of being extra with them. They for sure would drop anything to have a girl’s night with you and there’s nothing more valuable than being with people who are your partners in crime and your ride or dies. These people keep you grounded and remind you that the world is not over because they still exist as the amazing people they are.
Embrace the Change
This is your time and you gotta rock it. Whether you want to have a girls night in filled with rom-coms and endless tubs of Ben & Jerry’s straight to the face, or you want your friends to take you out and have a good time, these moments will be ones that will stick with you forever. These times are meant to be embraced and without them, you wouldn’t have discovered that The Notebook is the best rom-com and that you can finish a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream in five minutes, tops. You now have every right to blast “Love on the Brain” by Rihanna, “Sorry Not Sorry” by Demi Lovato, and “Shoutout to My Ex” by the Little Mix at maximum volume. There’s just something about scream-singing these songs and really feel like your preaching to the choir.
When you feel this powerful, you also have no problem blocking them on social media. You don’t care about admitting that you don’t want to see their stuff, and you don’t even try to act passive. Blocking them does not in any way shape or form make you petty, it just makes you real. And what’s even better is not being curious about their life and wanting to see any of their posts! At this point you are so above the trouble that comes along with caring and you get to a point where you are so consumed with doing you that you’re just living life like:
You, My Friend, Are Back on the Market
You hear that? You are now single! This isn’t a bad thing so don’t tear up at this. Being single means you don’t always have to check in with somebody and feel like you have to update somebody else to make sure they’re alright with something. This means you go to sleep at night not worrying about anybody being sneaky because you have no business with that person and their behavior anymore.
Is there a cute kid in your psychology class that you haven’t paid much attention to because you were too busy being ~in love~ to give him a second look? Now you can act on things you obviously didn’t before when you were in a committed relationship. Now, you aren’t swerving guys and telling them you’re in a relationship so you can just enjoy the single life whether you’re talking to new people or not. Regardless, you are worry free and you’re a single pringle. You’re not worried about proving yourself to anybody and you get a chance to rebuild your standards. Worrying about somebody like that? Can’t relate.
Handle Hearing from Them Like A Boss
In 99.9% of breakup cases, you will hear from your ex after some time of no contact. Whether they’re lurking on your social media or trying to add your roommate on the House Party app, they will make themselves present before they decide to directly contact you. And when they do contact you most likely on a holiday or your birthday, you already know that message is them spelling out that they miss you. But I mean damn, I would miss me too. At this point you can either decide to send a funny gif back…
…or be the big person that you are and answer with a nice and short message. And when they contact you and ask you to “catch up” or get food for old times sake, you politely say no thank you and carry on with your day. You don’t have time for dilly dallying. Like sure go ahead and try to slide back into my dms, but my response is gonna look something like:
This journey may be crazy and emotional, but it’s fun and exciting and I would never take anything back after becoming the changed woman I am today. You learn a lot about yourself that you wouldn’t have been able to without this experience, and you learn to surround yourself only with the things that best serve you and your future. If anything, you should thank your ex for letting you go to be the best version of yourself you were meant to be this entire time. Now go get your boujee on and keep doing you!
Gifs courtesy of Giphy