I wanna be a flower, not a dirty weed
I wanna smell like roses, not a baseball team
And I swear maybe one day
You’re gonna wanna make out, make out, make out with me…
In “One of the Boys,” Katy Perry croons about how she wants her guy friends to think of her as a girl, not just like another of the boys. Kellie Pickler, on the other hand, admits she “still loves chick flicks and a real good cry, but sometimes it’s fun to be one of the guys” (“One of the Guys”).
Our culture sends us mixed messages about the social standing of girls involving themselves in a predominantly-male friend group. Sometimes, girls are told that being able to fit in unabashedly with a group of guys solidifies them as a “bro”. This depends largely upon personality type: some girls would have to sacrifice the more feminine aspects of their personality in order to become one of the boys. Some, however, naturally access a combination of their feminine, masculine, and neutrally-gendered traits which appeal to guys. For the purpose of this article, I shall refer to these girls as the “faux bro”.
Conversely, some girls are naturally more compatible with guys and happen to fall into friend groups dominated by them. These girls are the real bros. You can easily locate them in the common room when sports are airing on TV, chillin’ with bare nails, no makeup, hair tied, and basketball shorts. As I don’t want to promote stereotypes, these girls don’t have to be sports lovers. They could be gamers, too. COD, anyone?
The faux bros and the bros likely are not at odds, nor are they necessarily best friends. Their personalities have the probability of clicking just as much or as little with any other individual they may meet. But their respective chemistries with guys? Completely different stories.
The cultural discord lies within whether guys could fall in love with a girl who is one of the boys. In my opinion, however, the difference lies within whether the girl is a bro or a faux bro.
Pre-“Teenage Dream,” pre-Russell Brand Katy Perry would be classified as a fo-real bro. Regularly getting down and dirty (not thatkind of dirty, collegiette!) with the boys makes guys think that you are one of them. They’ll likely treat you just like they would one of their bros, with little out of bounds. Belching? Check. Exulting over COD? Check. Bro tip references? Check. Sports stats? Check. And if you’re a real bro, you probably enjoy every second of it.
Kellie Pickler, however, likely enjoys Nicholas Sparks movie marathon nights, complete with her bests, a box of tissues, and no testosterone in sight. That said, she also talks about poker, NASCAR, and Monday night football in “One of the Guys”—in addition to “four-wheel mud boggin’,” but I’m pretty sure the latter doesn’t apply to us Stonehill girls. Girls who embrace both their femininity and masculinity separately, aka girls who split time between their bros and their girls or mixed friends, are the “faux bros”.
Guys generally recognize that faux bros do indeed possess femininity, whereas they may forget that when chillin’ with the legit girl-bro. Yet still, faux bros can go to dinner with a full group of boys or crash informal guys’ nights without male objection or question. Faux bros are perfectly positioned socially: they have endless opportunities to chill in guys’ social circles, yet aren’t really “one” of them. If your friend is a faux bro, she is the perfect wing-woman. If you are a faux bro, the effort you have to go through to let a guy friend know that you’re interested in him is minimal compared to the casual girl friend.
If there’s any possibility of having feelings for one of the guys you’re bro’ing with, make sure you don’t fall into the bro trap. If you’re constantly hanging with the same group of boys, participating in typical male activities, you’re going to get friend-zoned, bro.
Not to say that being a faux bro is the way to go. Cliché, yes, but the best way to find the right guy isn’t to transform into any kind of bro: it’s to be yourself, collegiette. The best boyfriends are your friends first. Do you. And if that means bro’ing out, then bring on the Superbowl.
Photo credits: brotips.com