Chronic Bitch Face: (1) When a female has facial features that make her look like a bitch, when she might not be a bitch at all. (2) A female who constantly has a “angered” or “agitated” look upon his or primarily her face. Males can also have this face, it is caused by severe agitation or sadness in-placed by another male or female figure. This may cause severe sadness in other members of is or her peer group. If the female figure has a “bitchy face” then male counterparts may be affected physically, mentally, or emotionally very severely. If the male has a “bitchy face”, female counterparts may discontinue to be friends with the male figure.
CBF is a blunt characteristic that influences the muscles of the face to portray the look of a complete bitch. CBF includes fierce/ piercing eyes, raised/ tense eyebrows, and a stern closed mouth with tension in the jaw line. A very flinty, hard-nosed look. This can be detrimental to your social life because, well, lets be honest, who in their right mind wants to approach a female that looks as if she drowns puppies for fun? It kind of makes me wonder how many more friends I would have if I didn’t come across looking like I’m pissed at the universe. Now, I try to be more conscious of my CBF, especially when meeting new people. I find it annoying that I have to force my face to look happy, but after about two minutes of constant smiling, my face is basically stuck, so I guess it isn’t all that bad. Here is how you know if you suffer from CBF:
1) On the inside you may feel peachy keen, but if you aren’t smiling…….. oh, well something must be wrong, right? WRONG!
2) You have to constantly reassure your friends that you are not mad at them.
3) When the guy you’re flirting with makes you smile, you look like you just plotted his murder.
4) When you go home for the holidays and your family is asking if you are depressed and to smile more, and you’re just like….. *big cheesy smile* “Is this happy enough for you?”
5) You forget you suffer from CBF and constantly wonder why nobody goes out of their way to smile or much less make eye contact with you.
6) Meeting new people freaks you out, because you automatically know those people are going to think you’re a bitch right from the moment you walk through the door,
7) You get asked, “Are you okay?” “Is something wrong?” “Omg, who pissed you off?” at least 5 times a day.
8) And when you respond, it makes you look more like a bitch because you’re just like, “THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! IT’S JUST MY F*CKING FACE!”
9) When you talk, you use different high-pitch vocal tones like you’re singing a Michael Jackson song in order to compensate for your CBF.
10) The friends that now know you have CBF tell you, “Omg, you intimidated me, I was so scared to talk to you, I thought you hated me.” and you’re just like…. “K thanks!”
11) First impressions aren’t your cup of tea.
12) Strangers expect that you will bite their heads off if they try to talk to you.
13) When you realize you are arching your eyebrows, making you look meaner than Crewella Devil, you immediately start pushing them down and rubbing them with your hands.
14) You can tell that the guy staring at you in the bar is having an internal struggle of whether to talk to you or not because he’s scared you’re pissed, or that you already think he is dumb for even looking at you.
15) When you motion for him to approach, you literally see the world get lifted off of his shoulders.
16) When you are actually pissed, you have to warn everyone around you because no one can tell if it’s your pissed face or your CBF… that’s scary.
17) If your face had to have a description it would be F*CK OFF.
18) When you’re trying to be nice, and people think you’re still being a bitch just because of your face.
19) People assume you are constantly judging them.
20) When you make a joke and instead of people laughing, they’re in shock that you have a sense of humor.
21) You secretly enjoy your CBF…
22). Because it’s YOUR bitch face and that’s pretty f*cking fantastic! #prettier