At the request of my dearest podmates, I have decided this week’s blog will be devoted to giving some quick and easy lessons on sexting, texting’s dirty cousin. Let me start off by saying that sexting is not for everyone. For example, if your first response is to generally be as literal as possible, sexting is probably not for you. Take the following exchange:
Guy: What are you wearing right now?
Girl: I just got back from the gym, so I am really sweaty. I’m actually just changing into a towel to go shower. You?
Guy: Ooh. Bad girl. Too bad I’m not there to join in on the fun. Rain check?
Girl: I am always sweaty, so anytime. I just bought new soap. Lavender. Ohh.
…. Awkward. If your objective is to get a guy in the mood, telling him about your sweatiness is generally not the way to do it (unless it is more along the lines of “I want to roll around with you in bed while our sweaty bodies rub against each other…”). Sexting is also easier in relationships that are: 1) entirely based on sexual desire (i.e. hook-ups), or 2) well-established, long-term relationships. You probably don’t want to sext the guy from your Bio lecture who you have a crush on.
So here is a (non-comprehensive) list of the topics which are sexting-approved: showers, panties, lace, leather, beds, orgasms, and blowjobs.
Topics to (generally) avoid: homework, food-babies, real babies, your sister, his sister, and your period.
Now that we have a basic understanding of what is kosher when it comes to sexting, let’s get to the actual lesson.
If he initiates the exchange (and you’re into it): Typically, a guy interested in sexting will start out with a simple, “hey, how’s it going?” but will escalate quickly with a “what are you wearing?” or something similar. You should respond with something sexy, i.e. “lace panties and a black bra,” even if you are actually wearing that t-shirt from a 5k you ran in high school and a pair of boxer shorts. Sexting is all about feeling sexy; you don’t actually have to look it.
If you want to initiate it: First off, tread lightly, my friend. Make sure he is going to be into that kind of thing before you jump-in full force. I generally avoid initiating these sorts of things, but there are ways to do it. You want to start off (relatively) subtle, such as “laying here in bed thinking about you” or “wish I would have seen you at the Pause dance tonight…”
After the initial contact is made, I think the best method of sexting is to simply describe what it is you would want to do if you were with the person, using phrases such as “I want to…” or “I wish I could…” or “if you were here…”. I find this much preferable to the “pretend you are actually doing it right now” method, i.e. “I’m cumming!! … That felt really good” (when in real-life you are actually lying in bed eating Cheetos). And I know that although I say “simply” it is not necessarily that simple. However, I promise that with practice and time it becomes easier and less awkward. Promise.
You will notice that this post really just discusses the text portion of sexting. There is, of course, also the “pics” portion of sexting, but I really figured there was no way I could coach you through taking a sexy picture of yourself. In fact, if you can’t figure out how to take nudie shots of yourself, you really probably shouldn’t be thinking about sending them in the first place.
Stay sexy St. Olaf,
H.