In the hypersexual world we live in today, being a virgin in college is something not really heard of, or at least talked about. We live in a culture that has made “hooking up” the new norm and waiting until marriage to be seen as old fashioned or even odd. I have interviewed four girls, all of different faith backgrounds, who have chosen to wait until marriage.
Deina Hamdan
When is your birthday?
February 27, 1996
Where do you go to school?
Houston Community College
What’s your major?
Nutrition
Where are you from?
Jordan
What is your faith background?
Islam (Sunni)
Why is waiting until marriage important to you?
Other than tradition, I always felt that the man I’m going to marry should be the one to take that one thing that is so precious to me for himself. I guess you can say like a sign of commitment.
When did you decide that waiting until marriage was for you?
When I was about 14 years old
How did you make that choice?
I can’t really say it was a hard choice to make, or even a choice at all. Deep inside me I always knew that’s what I wanted, and I continued to live on that decision.
How did your faith influence your choice to wait?
My faith taught me that I am valuable, which means only a person that truly deserves me can have me.
How do you stay abstinent in the sexualized world we live in today?
I won’t lie, it can get hard, but reminding myself what I truly believe in and why I chose it in the first place always helps.
How does staying abstinent affect your dating life?
It doesn’t affect it at all. I make what I want clear to the person I’m dating, and if he doesn’t respect what I want then we don’t continue our relationship. This usually doesn’t happen since most men in my religion follow the same tradition.
How do people react when you tell them you’re waiting until marriage?
Some people don’t understand why I would wait, but many people respect it and are very supportive. Some girls actually say they wish they waited as well!
Have you ever been pressured not to wait and how did you deal with it?
Thankfully, I have never been pressured. I surround myself with people that understand my culture and my choices.
Arva Bharmal
When is your birthday?
April 6th 1996
Where do you go to school?
The Fashion Institute of Technology
What’s your major?
Fashion Business Management
Where are you from?
India
What organizations are you involved in?
N/A
What is your faith background?
Muslim (Shia)
What organizations are you involved in?
FBM Society
Why is waiting until marriage important to you?
I know that God has already chosen someone that I will spend my life and eternity in heaven with so I choose to wait for him and I to get married before having sexual relations with another man.
When did you deicide that waiting until marriage was for you?
I think I knew as little as when I was 7.
How did you make that choice?
I just knew it was the right thing to do because of what the Quran says and the values I’ve learned from my role models.
How did your faith influence you choice to wait?
Faith was there to reassure me that with patience I would be able to wait for who God chose for me.
How do you stay abstinent in the sexualized world we live in today?
I stay abstinent knowing and keeping my morals in check, I do my best to keep my circle of friends close knit and they know about my choices.
How does staying abstinent affect your dating life?
I believe every person that I’ve encountered who I’ve “dated” has been through my mosque and also a Muslim so they already know of my decision for abstinence.
How do people react when you tell them you’re waiting until marriage?
Most people I tell I already trust and respect not to pass judgment on my choice so there is rarely ever much controversy on the topic.
Have you ever been pressured not to wait and how did you deal with it?
Funny enough, in middle school surrounded by the angst of puberty I felt a little left out on the “firsts” most girls were having, but those feelings only fueled my passion to wait for marriage so my judgment wasn’t clouded and I could make a proper decision as an adult.
Madeline Allen
When is your birthday?
January 30, 1997
Where do you go to school?
UT
What’s your major?
Youth and Community Studies
Where are you from?
Houston
What is your faith background?
Christian
What organizations are you involved in?
Ignite Texas, Sigma Phi Lambda
Why is waiting until marriage important to you?
Because I know that waiting until marriage is not only the right thing to because the bible says so, but because it keeps me from giving too much of myself to a person that I’m not going to end up with.
When did you deicide that waiting until marriage was for you?
I’ve always known I wanted to
How did you make that choice?
It never really seemed like a choice growing up as a Christian.
How did your faith influence you choice to wait?
It’s most of the reason I am waiting, after seeing what being intimate has done to my friends who don’t believe in waiting, I have been reassured that my decision was a good one.
How do you stay abstinent in the sexualized world we live in today?
I haven’t stayed perfectly abstinent. I am human and I have made a lot of mistakes, which is one of the reasons I never judge anyone who does not choose to make the same choice as me. We are people and waiting until marriage is so hard. Now I remember that God desires me to wait, which makes it a lot easier.
How does staying abstinent affect your dating life?
It just means it’s hard to be alone with a guy I am dating. It’s really tempting at times not to wait, so it means we have to work extra hard to be careful.
How do people react when you tell them you’re waiting until marriage?
Most people respect my choice, though most do not agree with it.
Have you ever been pressured not to wait and how did you deal with it?
Yes, I didn’t handle it well. Again, I’m not perfect and it’s hard to wait, so I definitley have in the past given in to some of that pressure I got from some past boyfriends. Fortunately, God doesn’t expect perfection and I am forgiven and I get to try and not make those same mistakes in new relationships.
*This last student rather remain unnamed
When is your birthday?
1995 (21 years old)
Where do you go to school?
St.Edward’s University
What is your major?
Business Marketing
Where are you from?
Austin,TX
What is your faith background?
Catholic
What organizations are you involved in?
none
Why is waiting until marriage important to you?
It is important for me to believe in something good and hold on to that belief despite the circumstances. Since I was a young girl I believed in waiting to have sex until marriage. I want my first time to be special and comfortable and with the man that will be the father of my kids.
When did you decide that waiting until marriage was right for you?
When I was 14 years old, I was given the sex talk by my aunt and I was given a book as well. Instead of being told to use protection in case I decided to have sex, I was really encouraged to wait to have sex until marriage. My aunt and my mom both waited until marriage. I really admire my aunt’s loving marriage and I wanted to have that as well. My parents on the other hand, have had many difficulties in their marriage. It was not always lovely looking on the outside. Nevertheless, both my parents believed in God’s word on marriage; that with prayer and God on your side any adversity can be overcome.
How did you make that choice?
My aunt and my mom telling me the importance of this was how I made my choice. I wanted to follow their steps. I feel I had more reasons to stay abstinent. The reasons to have sex did not convince me. It definitely has been a challenge to wait until marriage. I know that marriage is not an easy task either for those that are married. However, the rewards of marriage are many. It is a selfless sacrifice and that is what’s so beautiful about it.
How did your faith influence your choice to wait?
Faith has definitely influenced my choice to wait. I always believed in God and had faith in him. However, at the moment I decided to wait until marriage, I did not know much about God and the Bible. However, the last four years, I’ve grown closer to God and my church. I’ve felt more convinced ever since of God’s plan in my life.
How do you stay abstinent in the sexualized world we live in today?
The book I was given when I was young was simple about how to remain abstinent. The book stated that sex starts at the mind. The more we will feed our fantasies of having sex, the more likely it will occur. The other book I read to remind me to stay abstinent is Pure Womanhood by Crystalina Evert. It states that if you set your standard to “have sex until marriage”, there is no arguing when sex will occur; or he’s your husband or he’s not. Even if you’re not a virgin anymore, it’s never late to practice abstinence. Abstinence encourages us to focus on pure love.
How does staying abstinent affect your dating life?
I’ve been able to date despite being abstinent. I have made it clear after a few dates, that I’m waiting for sex until I get married. This limits me to only consider a guy that wants a pure longing, long term relationship with me. It’s important to not be afraid to let a guy know what your ideal relationship is and what standards you have. If he’s the right guy, he will respect your decision. If he does not respect your decision, then he’s not the right guy for you.
How do people react when you tell them you’re waiting until marriage?
Mostly guys and girls think it is “really good” and “admirable” that I’m waiting until I get married. Other have told me they are “surprised I can wait so long” or that “they can’t imagine living without sex”. Other girls have told me they wish they would had waited.
Have you ever been pressured not to wait and how do you deal with it?
Somewhat. I had a boyfriend a long time ago try to convince me to change my mind telling me that sex will bring us closer and that sex is fun. I had my mind set up already and that relationship didn’t last long.
Also, many of my friends around me are sexually active. Also many movies and magazines like Cosmopolitan promote pre-marital sex. It can get overwhelming, but I figured that limiting my exposure to that information helps a lot. What helps me also, is my daily relationship with God. God listens to our prayers when we take the time to speak to him and ask for his help.
Ever wondered why people abstain other than religious reasons? Here’s a list of a few reasons why others have abstained!
- To avoid the chance of a STD
- To avoid the chance of an unwanted pregnancy
- To avoid emotional distress
- Waiting until they found their person
- No sexual past/regrets
Whatever choice you do make, whether it be to wait or not, make sure you have made the right choice for YOU and only YOU. We should not only respect our own bodies and choices, but those of others as well.
This article will be followed up by another interview of a couple who waited until marriage. Get to read Olivia and Josh’s journey soon!