So by now the chances are you’ve acquired an academic mother or father (or both) by now. To those of you who who have still not reached this stage fear not – for although you must have been living under a rock in order to have avoided adoption, it is perfectly acceptable to ask to join the families of your close friends. For those of you who have I suggest that you prepare yourself as you are about to embark on a whole new journey. By a whole new journey I refer not only to the fast approaching Raisin chronicles but also the next two years you will spend referring to your new parents as ‘my Mum’ and ‘my Dad’ and your siblings as ‘my brother’ and ‘my sister’.
“How wonderful!” I hear you exclaim, for what a comfort it must be to have a sense of family in your new home. And a sense of comfort it certainly is. How lovely it is to hear that Ben as already slept with his mother and is making his way steadily through all six of his sisters.
Wait, what? Yes. Its weird. Yet it is probably safe to say that all us kids have got ourselves in that rather awkward conversation rut at one point or another, that weird place where you assume that someone is talking about their actual family member and their adventures together until the adventure story culminates with their ‘Dad’ being sick all over their new shoes. Making out with siblings or creepy ‘uncles’ predating on various kids are no longer events implying a downright catastrophic childhood but present instead a micro-ethnography of the blatantly incestuous nature of St Andrews. Such wordings of the aforementioned events are so common, so benign that I don’t doubt that if I were to sheepishly reveal that I had slept with a friends brother, they would be unlikely to bat an eyelid despite any real siblings of theirs being under the age of fifteen.
So although I find this particular tradition understandably charming and endlessly entertaining, I ask that we all confirm that it is not in fact your brother who is coming on to you, nor your aunts and uncles making you down a pint of goodness-knows-what, but your academic equivalent. Just… before those scenarios are actually imagined. And I hope you all have a great Raisin Weekend!