One Thanksgiving always sticks out in my mind: The Year that Everything Went Wrong. I was probably seven or eight years old, but I can distinctly remember Gramma accidentally spilling her wine on Mom’s new table cloth, curtains being ripped down by a rowdy cousin, and the bathroom toilet overflowing all over the floor. If those images remind you of your own family and simultaneously make you cringe, then you’re probably hitting the reality that going home for the holidays is an occasion as stressful as it is joyous. As your first glimpse at what the season of giving has in store for you this year, you might want to start Thanksgiving off on the right foot. In my house, that means helping to make dinner, setting the table, and trying my hardest to get along with Auntie Prudence and the rest of the family. Not always an easy feat! But if there’s one thing my loud and laughably dysfunctional family has taught me over the years, it’s that there’s really nothing better than getting everyone under the same roof for a few hours to appreciate each other. Here are some tips and strategies to get you through making the most out of Thanksgiving dinner:
1.) Get some sleep the night before you go home. Many students spend their last hours at school in a frantic rush to pack or hand assignments in on time before break begins. Although it’s tempting to save everything for the last minute, especially when you know you’ll be going home to your own bed, this can leave you feeling exhausted and cranky. Don’t save sleep time for your 5-hour car ride or crashing as soon as you get home. Feeling well-rested will enable you to greet family and friends with the same excitement and enthusiasm they have for you.
2.) Remember that life goes on when you’re not around. Your parents are thinking about moving. Cousin Lucy is engaged. Your nephew started kindergarten. Maybe the cat died. If you haven’t kept in touch with certain family members, being all together at once can become overwhelming very quickly. Chances are everyone will want to fill you in on the news, even if it’s something as little as Grandma’s new glasses. Just be patient and listen to what everyone has to say. And on that note…
3.) Actually tell them how you’re doing. You’ll probably get the same questions 50 times: “How are you? How is school going?” I tend to brush this question off with a one-word answer: “Good.” But if a family member or old friend is asking you about your life, then they are truly interested in what you’ve been up to. As much as they want to tell you what’s new with them, they also want to know your news. Tell them about your favorite class or the workload you’ve been struggling with. Chances are you’ll end up having a much more interesting, back-and-forth conversation.
4.) Fill your plate the first time. When the food comes around the table, make sure you take what you want so that you don’t miss out on something. If Grandpa is notorious for loading up on the mashed potatoes, take the amount that you know you will eat and will be satisfied with. One of the biggest rules in my house: Don’t count on seconds.
5.) Remember table manners and patience. When Thanksgiving is held at my house, we crowd around the dining room table and even attach our kitchen table to the end of it, spilling our guests out into the living room. Space is tight, there’s a lot of stuff on the table, and I always end up elbowing the person next to me more than once. As soon as we all sit down to eat, nobody gets up until we’re finished eating or else it means having to navigate through a sea of chairs. It can seem like an affront to your personal space, but be patient and remember that everyone else is dealing with the same degree of slight discomfort. But the family that eats together stays together, and what would Thanksgiving be if not all of your loved ones were there to have dinner with you? Some tips for dealing with the dinner table crowding issue: go to the bathroom and also be sure to fill up your drink BEFORE sitting down, to limit the number of times you need to get up and ask everyone to scoot their chairs in so you can get by. Be considerate toward who you’re sitting next to–if Nana can’t see well or if you’re next to your shaky Uncle Bernie, offer to serve them. Make sure everyone has had their first slice of turkey before going for seconds.
6.) Get some quiet time. The house is full of guests. Your distant, out-of-town relative is sharing your room for a couple nights. Your little cousins are playing, screaming and running around the house. There’s no privacy. In a high-stress situation, it’s important to have a little time to yourself so you don’t end up snapping at family members. If it gets too loud or you want a minute alone, go for a quick walk or offer to run to the store and pick up the cranberry sauce that Dad forgot to pick up. Nobody will be offended if you excuse yourself for a few minutes, especially if you’ve been interacting with everyone all day.
7.) Be thankful! Remember to celebrate what really matters to you during the holidays. If you don’t think you tell your family you love them enough, do it now. Take the time to reconcile differences in a family feud and to see the other person’s view. Be present–I like to turn off my phone at dinner. Find a way to express your gratitude to those who deserve it. After all, every family is dysfunctional in some way–but it’s the ways in which we cope with it that make all of the difference.
Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!