Dear Demi,
I honestly don’t really know how to start this letter, considering the fact that you might not even read this, but hoping you do, here it goes.
You are the only person that has helped me through absolutely everything in my life. When you came out and said you were going to rehab helped me so much and made me realize that it was okay to be different. Even though I’ve never personally met you, I feel like you’re the only person that understands what I’ve gone through in my life. You are one of the most important things to me and I’m so happy you used your voice to help people.
There have been a lot of things that have happened my life for you to help me. When I was 5 until the time I was 7 or 8, I was sexually and physically abused by one of my friend’s daughters. During that time, my parents also separated and were apart for 3 years due to his drinking habits. My father and I have never had a good relationship, and because of him I have a hard time getting along with men and I have terrible trust issues. When I was in fourth grade, I started cutting myself and was getting bullied for my weight. I was called fat every single day by my peers and stopped eating. I ended up realizing that what I was doing to my body was wrong and stopped, but I still struggle every day with eating and cutting. Burning myself also became another habit. My father lost his job for two years in between all of this, and him being home all that time definitely brought our relationship to the worst, and my mom was always torn between her daughter and her husband, which I know wasn’t very fair to her. My mom is my rock, my best friend, and probably the person I love the most. I honestly don’t know where I would be today without her. Also, during this time, I went through an abusive relationship that lasted about 3 and half years, which seems like a long time for a girl at such a young age, but everything just came together some how and things ended badly. I got out of the relationship, finally, but still struggle with the things that happened and what went on between us.
On March 18th, 2011, a girl assaulted me that went to my school. Now, you might be thinking, oh she just got into a fight no big deal. No. Not at all. My mother ended up taking me to therapy a month later, and I have been going to therapy for a year and a half now. It took me almost a year for my doctor to diagnose me with depression, PTSD, anxiety, and OCD. I was put on Prozac and I’ve been taking it for about 3 months, and my doctors want to higher my dosage because I have terrible anxiety attacks. Throughout all of this, I turned to drugs and alcohol and became a huge fan of drinking… but the thought of becoming my father haunted me so much. I couldn’t end up like him. I want to have a good life without those things making me happy. Your music helped me realize that. No one can fully understand the impact you have had on me. I struggle every day to make the best out of my life that I can, and your music has helped. When I tell my friends how much you mean to me and how you’ve helped me, they don’t really get it. They just think I have another obsession like every other teenaged girl and am in love with your music. You were the only thing keeping me going at the worst time of my life. Because of you, I am still here today, going as strong as I can. I have seen how many lives you have impacted and I am so grateful that God put you on this earth. You definitely were born for a purpose, and I think one of those purposes was to help save my life. To be completely honest, I don’t think I would be alive today if it was not for your strength and courage to come out and help others with their problems. It’s almost the one year anniversary of my recovery and you helped me reach that goal. Sometimes, the days I get into “my moods” as my family calls them, I’ll sit around thinking I’m worthless and just shouldn’t be here. I take it out on my family, my friends, and I used to take it out on my body. Basically, I think I’m a screw up. There is no other way to describe it. But when I turn on Fix a Heart, or Lightweight, I sit there and sometimes cry because it makes me feel like there is someone there knowing what I am going through.
To sum all of this up in one sentence, I would not be here without you, Demi. You and your music have helped me through the worst times in my life, and I honestly love you. Thank you so much for your inspiration and your courage through everything you have been through, and thank you for helping me live my life to the fullest.