Meet Heather, this week’s SFU profile!
Heather started her education at Simon Fraser University as a mature student. Previously, she attended Rhodes Wellness College (RWC), which specializes in wellness counselling. Students at RWC are trained to use a holistic approach when counselling.
Heather’s experience as a student at RWC taught her the importance of connecting with people and understanding their point of view. Because of this, she is always open to new experiences, new ideas, and meeting new people.
On a daily basis, Heather spends time with her friends, boyfriend, and family; on a weekly basis, she and her friends enjoy catching up on their favourite TV shows, including Pretty Little Liars, Once Upon a Time, and Supernatural.
Furthermore, Heather loves her cat Junie. Junie is a lovable tabby who is the “sweetest thing,” as quoted by Heather.
Luckily for me, Heather was available for a quick chat. We discussed dating, breakups, counselling, and more.
The basics:
Name: Heather Thom
Hometown: Maple Ridge
Currently studying: Psychology and Counselling & Human Development
Year: 3rd
What we would like to know:
What inspired you to become a breakup coach?
A few years ago, I went through one of the worst breakups I’ve ever had. My boyfriend and I got very serious quickly, and I thought he was serious about our relationship. Suddenly, he said he said he was unable to commit to the relationship and said it wasn’t going to work out.
He and I were living together in Burnaby, thus I was away from my family and friends. Also, I had just started a new job and I did not know anyone. We had recently moved into a new place, and I thought everything was fine and that we were moving forward. He had told me he had his doubts after we had moved into the new place. I was shocked because we had spent a lot of time buying furniture and fixing up our new place. After the breakup, he moved out and I was left by myself; I had to quit my new job and move back to Maple Ridge and it was very difficult for me.
I do not want any other ladies going through the same situation and feeling the same way that I did. A lot of girls put their life on hold for relationships, but I want them to know that they don’t need to do that. I want to inspire women to set their standards high in their relationships and to not settle for less. Too many times I’ve seen intelligent, talented, beautiful, caring women trapped in unhappy relationships only to have their hearts eventually broken by a guy who didn’t appreciate them enough. Then these women become so heartbroken that they get stuck. I’ve had girls telling me that they failed classes for over a year due to a breakup. I would hate for anyone one else to have to go through that.
What training or schooling did you do to become a breakup coach?
I attended Rhodes Wellness College where they specialize in training counsellors and life coaches. This training is different because it is very hands on and experiential. I spent approximately eight hours per day training for two whole years before becoming a registered professional counsellor and a certified life coach.
The philosophy behind Rhodes College is that we need to heal ourselves before we heal others. This means there is a large focus on clients’ emotions, experiences and personal growth rather than focusing on analyzing the situation. This also allows us to understand and empathize on a deeper level with our clients.
What is the best dating advice you have ever received?
The best advice that I have ever received is to make sure that you stay strong as an individual during your relationship. This is because it is easy to focus on being a girlfriend instead of your true self. If you lose yourself in the relationship and then eventually breakup, who will you have left?
Also, feminist men are great! What I mean by that is to find a partner who is not only 100% committed to the relationship and respects you, but who is 100% committed in equally sharing household chores and most daily tasks.
What is the worst dating advice you have ever received?
The worst dating advice I have ever received is to be the best girlfriend ever so he will fall in love with you. For example, making him elaborate dinners, always watching his favourite TV shows, only doing activities that he’s interested in, etc. This is the Express Train to losing yourself in the relationship because you will constantly comprise your needs, and this is a big no-no.
What dating advice would you give readers?
Early on, set specific and high expectations for your relationship. Generally, guys tend to act like Prince Charming in the beginning of the relationship, even though that is not who they really are. Eventually, those behaviours begin to slip and they go back into their normal habits and the girls are left wondering, What changed? So if your boyfriend once was always punctual with his calls or with your dates and now he’s not, it is important to be assertive. For example, letting him know that the date he cancelled last minute was important for you, and that you would like to be notified beforehand next time so you can make other plans. I always say, “Know your value, know your worth.” If your time is important to you, it’s okay to voice it.
If your partner ever disrespects you verbally or physically, walk away. Especially if you see early signs of abuse or disrespect, it is not acceptable. Don’t believe him if he says he’s “just kidding,” situations like that don’t tend to get better, only worse.
Finally, find a guy who knows how to cook. Seriously. I’m not kidding. This will make a huge difference.
How do you find time to coach, work, and study?
Umm…
I am crazy organized and I have two different calendars. I plan my month at the beginning of each month and write daily to-do lists that I follow. It’s about time management and balance. I try to fit in time to sleep because my cat makes me (she will sit on my bed every night at 11pm and stare me down until I sleep). I also exercise (I do Zumba) and I make sure to eat healthy food. My boyfriend cooks me healthy meals. His Pesto Paradise Pasta is divine! Again, find a guy who can cook.
What quote do you live by?
“Everything is figureoutable” – Marie Forleo.
What is your dream job?
My dream job is to work full-time as a counsellor and life coach. I am still working towards it while I’m at SFU. I would love for it to be self-sustaining. I would like to hold seminars where I teach others about optimal living and/or teach counsellors new approaches to helping their clients. I would love to be the female version of Tony Robbins.
What are some personal and professional goals that you would like to achieve within the next five years?
Personally, I would like to graduate from SFU, buy a new car, read more novels, and travel to Europe. Professionally, I would like to grow my coaching business.
Thank you for chatting, Heather!
You can connect with Heather through her Facebook page or her website, heatherthom.com.