This list is neither extensive nor complete in any sense of the words. There are many things that single people are told that somehow make them feel even more single. Here is a list of some of the things you need to stop saying to single people. Like, now. Like, yesterday.
1. “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
Great. Well, I feel a bit more likely to get hit by a bus right about now, but I can’t really predict that one either, now can I? These sentiments are offered in the form of advice, but if “it” is going to happen when I least expect “it” to, why did you just say that? Was that phrase helpful? Constructive? Enlightening? No, my friend, who is currently in a perfect, ten month-going-on-forever relationship, those words were not helpful and yes, they did just make me feel like a lesser human compared to you. By saying this statement of “It’ll happen when you least expect it,” you are implying that you know this based off of your own experience, and therefore that “it” has in fact happened to you. Suddenly you are putting yourself in the position of being one of the chosen ones who got struck by lightning and then blessed by a magical unicorn in order for “it” to happen, while I remain just a lowly speck of atoms on the earth. But, whatever. I guess I will be here, waiting.
2. “You’ll find someone!”
While this is, once again, neither helpful nor conducive to me ACTUALLY finding someone, this statement also begs the question: Did I ever say I wouldn’t? On top of that, who says I am looking? I am not Indiana Jones in search of the Arc of the Covenant, I am a twenty-something student who can’t even find time to shower.
3. “It’s okay. I’ll love you no matter what!”
You know when your mother keeps asking if you’re dating someone, and it gets to the point that she makes subtle comments questioning your sexuality? If this does not ring a bell, then you either have a much cooler mom than I do (sorry, mom), or you have not been single as long as I have. But, if this does sound familiar, then take a breath and remind yourself that your mother grew up in a different time. Kindly and calmly explain to your mother that your sexuality does not determine your relationship status. I can maintain my sexuality and simultaneously be in whatever relationship status that I choose.
4. “But, you’re so great!”
I, personally, am a big fan of a good compliment. Tell me I’m pretty. Assure me that I do, in fact, have the best sense of humor. There is almost no compliment that I cannot handle. But, then, I am thrown the “But, you are so great!”, which acts as a sort of compliment, with a slight question if a subtle inflection on the word “great” occurs. When used in this context, the statement forces the recipient to question their whole state of being, regardless of how it’s said. You often receive this response from friends after you explain to them how you’re single. The self-doubt that this compliment induces is due to the implication that because you’re so great, you must therefore have a significant other, which leads you to think, “If I were greater, would I ACTUALLY have a significant other?!” I would like to take this moment to squash your self-doubt, because every person has faults and, once again, people in relationships have not been struck by lightning and then blessed by a magical unicorn granting these people to be perfect. Stop letting them make you believe that this is the case.
5. “So, are you seeing anyone?”
Still no, mom.
I would like to take this moment to address single people directly. Single people, I propose that we stop being casually bullied and guilted into thinking that we are anything other than perfect just because we are single. It’s a lot easier to get lonely when you don’t appreciate your own company.