Full disclaimer: This is just my opinion of my experiences. This may not resonate with all readers, but I think it’s a valid argument that I urge you to consider.
I was in a long-term relationship for 6 years, which started in high school and followed me into post-secondary. With the exception of a couple 1-2 month “I’m not sure what we are and I’m too scared to ask for fear you’ll find me clingy” stints, I was single about two and half years. Not going to lie, some days were tough. Others, I was so happy and took pride in being a strong independent lady.
Here are my top 5 reasons why you should wait before you rush into your next relationship.
1. Deal with unresolved feelings.
You cannot get over a person overnight. In fact, sometimes you end up getting back under them. This period of grey area is necessary for some, but arguably messy for all. Either way, to truly move on, you need to give yourself time and space. This means that while you are grieving, dealing, destroying mementos, now is not the time to try to jump into another relationship. For a relationship to work, both parties have to be willing to let go of their past. If one jumps in with two feet and the other is in the shallow end, wading, chances are they relationship will fail
2. Know yourself and love it
This is a priority in life. You are your number one relationship. Now please repeat this phrase 10 times. When you are single you get to know who you are as a person, not just someone’s girlfriend. Things you may have stopped doing because you didn’t have time to do when you were in a relationship, you can now do. If you like to macramé, do crosswords or enjoy studying tea (I do!), then embrace these interests and quirks. This goes for your physical traits and inherent things you cannot change about yourself. Tall? Love it. Short? Love it. Great signing voice? Belt it out. Tone deaf? Belt it out…in the shower—jk. Give yourself time to focus on what makes you, you before you become someone’s someone.
3. Re-connect with your network
Remember those friends you have? Yeah—maybe you should go hangout with them. Relationships, while rewarding, can be a time suck. I get it, when you’re in a relationship you have a friend as well as a romantic partner to do all those instagrammy things with, but life is about more than that. Once you’re single, you can once again appreciate how much value friends bring to your life. Also, take this opportunity to realize that the next relationship you get into shouldn’t take you away from your amazing support system.
4. Try new things and meet new people
Have you always wanted to take a certain art or dance class, travel somewhere? Well the beauty of being single is you can. Perhaps travelling alone is scary, but travelling with a friend—less so. Think about it: if you don’t have a partner that you cannot bear to be away from, you can really enjoy yourself abroad. The more people you meet, whether it’s at your local coffee shop or one in Paris, you grow, your mind expands and your life is richer. Maybe you will hate that dance class and Paris won’t be what you thought, but trying new things for yourself will give you the opportunity to end the wondering.
5. Reflect on the past and become aware of what you want in a relationship
No I am not asking you to think of all the amazing things about your ex or all the terrible things (good riddance!). What I mean is…think about the values and goals you and your former partner had. Maybe things didn’t work out because you had different thoughts on family or money. Another important thing to think about is how you argue and why you argued. I have been guilty of being passive aggressive and based on the reactions it’s received, it was not the greatest negotiation tactic to say the least. If you make yourself aware of these things, when you do enter into your next relationship you’ll be less apt to go after the wrong people or make the same mistakes.
Lastly…
You can still date, I highly recommend you do so; it’s the best way to figure out what kind of people interest you and what’s a good fit. I just caution you at least give yourself a couple months of just you before you enter the dating scene. When you do start dating, take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes you need to make awkward conversation over coffee with the rest before you can laugh and eat ice cream out of the jar with the best.
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