Running into an ex-boyfriend or ex-hookup can be awkward. You never seem to see him when you’re looking your best, but always cross paths after a six hour long library trip that leaves you looking like someone ran you over on their longboard. Below are some helpful tips and tricks for how to navigate your ex when you have the pleasure of running into him on campus.
You run into him in Benson.
Play it cool. He knows that you are trapped because if you leave you won’t get food. Trip him in the aisle to give yourself a head start, then run to pick up your Tapingo. There’s no chance of him talking to you if he’s laying face down on the floor.
You run into him at his frat’s party.
Though you can always be brutally honest and tell him, “No, I am not here for you, I am here for the free tequila,” say it all without saying anything by walking into the party backwards. This way, you don’t have to make eye contact when he is inevitably staring at the entrance waiting for you to show up. Also, he gets a great view of your butt, just to remind him what he’s missing. Two birds, one stone.
You’re walking into Lucas as he is walking down the stairs, and you make direct eye contact.
Unfortunately, there is little wiggle room for escape in this scenario. The only way to fix this is to turn to the person next to you and strike up an important sounding conversation to avoid any form of communication with him.
He hits you with that 3 AM “You up?” text.
If you are in fact, “up,” you can respond and ask him if he is willing to deliver you and your friends chicken tenders from the Bronco. He will most definitely say no (if he says yes you need to get him back ASAP because that is real boyfriend material), and you’ll be off the hook until tomorrow night when he texts you at 2 AM asking if you “want to go on a walk”.
You’re in the feminine care aisle of Safeway when you feel someone staring at you from the end of the aisle.
Surprise, it’s him. Simply hold up the box of tampons in your hand and ask him if he knows what they are. Also ask him what his favorite brand is; it’s a casual way to make sure he never talks to you ever again.
You’re at the gym working out and he gets on the treadmill next to you.
The only option is to prove that you are way faster/more athletic than he is. Play “Hotline Bling” on repeat and turn up the speed to 10.2 miles per hour. Run as if there is an extra large pizza with your name on it in front of you. After a few minutes, get off the treadmill and run away for real.
You walk into class on the first day and there he is, sitting in the third row.
Drop the class, change your major, and transfer schools. There are really no other options.