Before reading this article, please watch the hilarious video posted below about today’s topic.
Now let’s take a moment of silence for Dave, Trevor, Taylor Mulford, and Bobby, all of whom have been relegated to the friend zone.
At about the 1:15 mark in the video, a girl states that “all my best friends are guys.” Wow. I have no idea who this girl is or who her guy friends are, but they are most likely either gay, don’t count her as their best friend, or are trying to get with her. My money is on number three.
Here’s the sad truth: Whenever you have a question about a guy’s intention, he’s probably trying to hook up with you. If he’s not actively seeking to, he’s most likely willing to hook up with you–especially if you two just met.
Do I think girls and guys can be friends? Sure! It gets a little tougher when both parties are straight, reasonably attractive, single, and enjoy flirting, but it can still be done.
The aforementioned video made me think about all the “zones” I end up putting girls in. Some of these zones are more obvious, some are not. Here are a few that I came up with:
1. Girlfriend/Potential Zone
Don’t ask me, I’m single. And not actively looking.
2. Hook Up Zone
This one should be obvious. If you need it explained, look it up on Urban Dictionary.
Standard text messages from him: “Sup,” “Yo,” “Where you at?” “Let’s chill,” “Come watch a movie,” and “Did you go out tonight?”
Day and time messages are sent: Party nights. Usually well after midnight. Expect typos due to intoxication.
3. Study Zone
You’re in at least one class together and you both have mutually decided that life would be easier if you studied together and divided up the work load.
Standard text messages from him: “Have you done the homework assignment yet?” and “Where’s the study room?”
Day and time messages are sent: Sunday through Thursday nights.
4. B*tch Zone
You both are united in your passionate dislike of something or someone. Usually that thing is very trivial– whether it be a person, couple, class, political party, or anything else
Standard text message from him: “I just saw the ice queen in the Cellar. Somehow she keeps getting worse every time I see her.”
Day and time messages are sent: Loathing transcends time. Whenever necessary.
5. Convenience Zone
You both walk the same route to class three days a week. Apparently you both value mundane small talk over an awkward silence while standing three feet from each other. He’d also rather eat with you than alone. That’s all there is to it.
Standard text message from him: None. Because he does not care.
6. Benefit Zone
You can help him get something he wants (that isn’t sex). Entry into a party, alcohol with your fake ID, or a hook up with one of your friends.
Standard text message from him: “Hey, what are you doing tonight?”
Day and time messages are sent: Party nights. While still sober.
7. Advice Zone
Usually in conjunction with one of the above. He comes to you for advice when it comes to other girls and, if he’s smart, he might help you out every once in a while as well. Pretty much the deepest you can be in the friend zone.
Standard text message from him: No template, you’re actually good friends.
8. We Can’t Stand Each Other Zone
Somehow, somewhere, he did something you deemed terribly offensive. Everyone else in the room most likely found it hilarious, but you didn’t. Now, when you both make awkward eye contact in Benson, one of you quickly looks away and checks an urgent “text message.”
Standard text message from him: None. We don’t text.
9. I Should Not Have Given You My Number Zone
It’s funny how a dark room and copious amounts of alcohol turn all girls into super models (See: “Beer goggles”). Too bad you left your make up and personality at the frat house.
Standard text message from her: “Heyyyyyyyyyyyy I forgot your name last night ;).”
10. We’re Friends on Facebook Zone
School: Santa Clara. Mutual Friends: 0. Friend Request: Accepted!
11. The Stereotypical Friend Zone
This is the deep, dark, terrible, seventh circle of hell kind of place guys occasionally find themselves in. He’s the shoulder to cry on. He’s the platonic hand to hold. And he oh so desperately wants you to take things to the next level.
Standard text messages from him: Whatever he thinks you want to hear most.
Day and time messages are sent: Five seconds after he reads your message. Regardless of how long it took you to respond.
Any girls in zones 3-7 I would consider friends, and it is completely possible to fall into more than one zone; most girls I know are.
My order of importance would be zones 6, 5, 2, 4, and 7. The difference between my guy friends and my girl friends is that with the guys, all five zones are covered. We just cycle through them depending on the time of day.
While it may be possible for a girl and a guy to become friends (maybe even good friends) I do not think a girl and a guy can be best friends, unless they’re dating or are married. The reasoning behind this is simple. I don’t mind telling guys any of my stories; huge successes or fails with women, tremendously inappropriate jokes, or embarrassing amateur hour moments are all on the table. Almost all of my good girl friends know these stories as well, but I don’t actively keep them informed. They just find out.
Also, guys are complete brutes. Especially to their best friends. There is a saying on the Internet: “Guys socialize by insulting each other, but they don’t really mean it. Girls socialize by complimenting each other, but they don’t really mean it either.” I have no idea about the second half, but the first is spot on. If I talked to a girl the way I talked to my best friends, things would not end well. There are some conversations best left between girls and others, between guys. Let’s not make things awkward by trying to swap positions.