Unlike the rest of you, I like being able to sleep at night. Horror movies do not help me sleep and here are 6 reasons why I don’t watch them.
1. I find absolutely zero enjoyment in bloody rampages or ghostly encounters. Don’t try to tell me “the movie isn’t even that scary.” It is. I can guarantee you I screamed when I watched the trailer, and I’m going to scream even louder if you make me watch it.
2. If I watch a horror movie, then I’ll have a panic attack the next time I’m home alone and I hear a noise. My mind will automatically jump to the unrealistic possibility that the killer stalker or whatever from that one slasher film is at my back door to eat me. No movie is worth that feeling.
3. I’m a scaredy-cat. I’m a wuss. Heck, even the Halloween episode of Zack and Cody still haunts me.
4. Based on a true story = nope. Remember when I said I like to sleep at night? Not gonna happen if I see that disclaimer before the movie starts.
5. It doesn’t matter if it’s not even gory. I don’t like beheadings or shootings, and I definitely don’t like the scary psychological plot that comes before a bloody death. Physical and mental torture is just all bad. I don’t care if there’s a happy ending, there’s still a horrifying beginning and middle that I have to get through. Just the suspense makes me anxious!
6. I will look up the plot on my phone so I’ll think I’m semi-prepared for what happens, and then I’ll scream at all the characters to “NOT DO THE THING THEY ARE ABOUT TO DO WHICH WILL GET THEM KILLED!” Then I’ll probably end up crying from a jump scare I wasn’t expecting and spill popcorn all over the floor and/or pee my pants. I have done both of these things during a scary movie night and made it awkward for everyone.
So enjoy your thrillers and slashers this spooky season, I’m going to try to make it through a Halloween special of a kid’s TV show without losing my sh*t.