To most people, I have always seemed like a fairly confident person. They would never guess that I have silently struggled with anxiety. Anything I do, anxiety is there, following me like a shadow. Even while doing things that I love.
Singing has been a love of mine since I was old enough to remember a tune. Some of my earliest memories are of being in the car with my family and trying to sing along to songs that they knew every word to. Although I was in my high school choir, singing by myself was something I dreamed of doing but could never find the nerve. After a failed XFactor audition (don’t ask) my confidence was at a low.
I continued in the choir but the fear of freezing up or basically falling on my face always stopped me from going after solos. So when I came to Scranton, auditioned for the A cappella teams and I didn’t make it, I was certain that I just flat out had no talent.
Two years went by and my roommate begged me to try out again. I was hesitant, to say the least but after a lot of convincing I decided to try again. She helped me practice for three days and when the audition came I shook with nerves. After, I ran back to my room feeling defeated, I was sure I had screwed it up.
I anxiously awaited by my phone all night and jumped any time it buzzed. Then the email came and I prepared for the worst. In shock I read that I got the call back and made the A cappella team! Looking back as a proud new member of the Octaves, I am reminded of the quote from “A Cinderella Story” with Hillary Duff, “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” (I know this is an original quote from the great Bambino, but the story in “A Cinderella Story” speaks to me!!)
I realize now that the only thing I was truly missing was confidence in myself and my abilities. I regret wasting all of that time worrying and stressing about failing. Without my friends pushing me, I might never have known what I am truly capable of and I’d still be singing in the shower instead of going after solos.
In a way, regaining confidence is creating a story of your own, whether it’s a true Cinderella story or not. Always remember, keep shining!