As a young, single, college girl who has navigated the dating world, I can attest to its complexity. I’ve learned a lot from my experiences as well as from my friend’s experiences, that love is equally frustrating. Sadly, I wish I had learned some of these lessons earlier, or had at least been warned. So here I am, a lonely hopeless romantic, sharing my realizations with you. (Thank me later!)
Never compromise on your standards or morals for “love”.
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As women we sometimes compromise our morals just for the sake of love. Which is a big no-no. First off, if a guy can’t support your beliefs then he’s not the one for you. Your morals are who you are. If he declines those, he essentially declines you. Secondly, why change yourself for someone when a) they don’t deserve it and b) you’ll end up changing yourself for somene who doesn’t value your inner self.
Sex is not love. (Repeat 2x)
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Sex is not love. Love is not sex. Make it your mantra and repeat it constantly. Sometimes we can confuse this concept and think the physical act will bring the emotions out of your partner. If you are having sex with the intention of producing love then you should probably take a step back and rethink your actions. Save yourself the torture of an emotionally distant partner and the pain of being used. One tiny moment of pleasure is not worth it at all.
Find yourself instead of actively seeking out love.
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As the saying goes, “Search and you will find.” What they don’t tell you is that what you find may not be what you want or what you need. Fate has a funny way of bringing love your way right when you are ready, so don’t force it. What you should do up until this point is find yourself. That way whoever you end up with gets the best of version of you. Win-win for you both.
Don’t hold on to baggage and negativity.
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Baggage is not cute and will never be in style. You must let it go and forgive. Learn from your past mistakes and experiences, but don’t let it hinder you in your present or future. Baggage sucks all the fun out of a relationship. Your new guy is trying to learn you and enjoy you, but you are too hurt to let him. Now he has to deal with all of your issues that you could’ve dealt with on your own if you had allotted yourself the time to heal. Old baggage can cause you to miss out on a great relationship.
Love is not just a fairytale, it’s out there.
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Cinderella, Princess Tiana, Mulan, Snow White, and many other Disney princesses all found their true love. You too can be a Disney princess, and you can be a Disney princess, and you can be Disney princess, you all can be a Disney princess! (I’m starting to sound like a cheesy ad or talk show host.) Moral of the story, real love is out there and you can find it. There is no reason to feel the need to settle or worry about dying alone. You honestly don’t have to be a cat lady. Now, if you want 10 cats, get them, just make sure your love is a cat person too. You will not die alone. Loneliness will not be forever. Just be patient.
Men are just as confusing as women…maybe even more so.
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I don’t think an explanation is necessary for this realization. I’m sure we all learned this quite early on. As you get older it only gets worse. Men get more and more confused and therefore more confusing. One minute they’ll say, “I’m ready for a relationship.” Then in the next breath, “I love being single.” Especially, guys in their 20s. They are figuring themselves out so the best thing to do is pay attention to their actions and determine their motives from that. Whatever they say will be misleading approximately 99.999% of the time.
I hope my realizations will help you avoid heartbreak one day. If by chance they don’t, just remember this is only one phase of your life. You will one day heal and find true happiness with someone.