Asexuality pride flag. Images courtesy of Asexuality Archive and brottolab.com.
Someone you know is asexual. Maybe they’ve just come out to you or you don’t know it; who knows? One in one hundred people are and more and more people in the spectrum are starting to step forward. As they do, here are some things to know.
1. Asexuality is a spectrum.
Just like every other sexuality, asexuality lies on a spectrum. Some asexuals are sex-repulsed; some don’t mind sex. Some people in the spectrum identify as demi-asexual, meaning they may feel more sexually attracted to a partner once the relationship has advanced to a more serious level, but otherwise have little sexual attraction to people. Everyone is a little different.
2. There is a difference between asexual and aromantic.
Asexuality means someone doesn’t get sexually attracted to other people (or somewhere on the spectrum). Aromantic means that someone doesn’t get romantically attracted to other people (or somewhere on the spectrum). These two identities are not attached to each other. Asexuals can be romantic. Aromantics can be sexual. Asexuals can be aromantic as well. Once again, it is a spectrum.
3. Asexuals can have a sex drive.
The identity of asexuality does not come from not wanting sex. It comes from the base idea of not being sexually attracted to other people. Some may be sex-repulsed, some may not, but it has no affect on their identity as an asexual.
4. Ace-phobia – a misunderstanding of sexuality
While we welcome your venture to try and understand us, the following questions and comments we tend to get are inappropriate and uncomfortable. So I will try and address them now to encourage you to not ask anyone else:
Asexual? What, like the plant?
No, we are not plants.
Don’t worry when you meet the right person, then you’ll see.
Maybe that’s true for some people, but right now we still identify as asexual.
Maybe if you just tried sex. Have you tried it?
First of all, that is personal. Do people question your sexuality and practice of it? Why do you feel the need to question mine?
But do asexuals masturbate?
Would you feel comfortable answering questions like these? They feel invasive, especially if we’re not close.
Your significant other must think you’re so selfish.
If they thought I was being selfish, they would not be my significant other.
You’re too pretty to be an asexual.
There’s no correlation, but thank you.
You only call yourself asexual because you’re not pretty enough to get a date.
First of all, if you consider this a legitimate thing to say, you’re a terrible person. Secondly, our looks have nothing to do with our sexuality.
Overall, please remember that it’s important to be respectful towards everyone’s sexualities and that sexuality is fluid and asexuality is a spectrum. If you have more questions about asexuality, check out Asexual Advice on Tumblr for answers to all of your inquiries.