”In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Elanor Roosevelt
If I could describe my year in a nutshell, these are quotes I would use.. This year for me has been one of my toughest years ever. I’ve been tested and pushed and at my breaking point so many times, that I gave up and told myself if 2017 wanted to kick my butt then I was going to let it, and stop trying to fight it. I remember during a late night in November, I told myself for the rest of this year I was just going to let life happen to me and accept whatever bad happens to me because I was tired of trying to be a “good black woman”.
I was so mad that every time I put forth effort into something that it would crash and burn and my my effort was being wasted. I was angry that all the beautiful plans that I had for myself this year were failing apart and I had no control over my life. I allowed my frustration, anger, and hurt to break me down that I didn’t care about my responsibilities and trying to do better. I was tired of being ” a good black woman.” By that I mean I was tired of trying to balance: my education, my finances, my organizations, my personal relationships, my outside projects, and trying to be the woman that everyone expected me to be a live up to everyone’s standards. I was so sick of trying to be ” the good black woman” that everyone was telling me I was and the idea of perfection that was projected on me, that I gave up. In the black community and especially in society as a whole, black woman are looked at as the strongest, toughest, resilient, masterpieces ever known to man.
Black women are not allowed to complain, black women are not allowed to be sad or reach out for help, black women are not meant to be vulnerable because we’ve been taught that’s not “a good black woman.” That type of narrow minded thinking is what I had been taught my whole life and it reflected in my life so strongly this year in all I did. My attitude towards myself, my attitude towards my friends, and family, my attitude towards problems in my life, my attitude in general was bitter, and evil and nasty. I began to neglect my responsibilities, my family, my friends, the things that I had worked so har for because I was at my breaking point. Having mental break downs so often they become apart of my everyday routine that I didn’t notice the coping mechanisms, I developed were not working. Not telling my loved ones what I were going through and that I really needed so peace in my life but instead I was just smiling and bearing the hurt I was going through. I would complain to my friends and parents about my life when it became to much for me on the days I had a break down then turn back around and pretend everything was okay with me and continue my destructive ways.
This morning, I woke up and decided that enough was enough. It was time for me to stop having excuses after excuses for my problems and what life had thrown at me and take responsibilities for my problems. I decided I wasn’t going to give up on myself, and I wasn’t going to just let life just happen to me and accept negativity in my life. I made a choice that for 90 days I was going to implement things in my life that would help me be a better woman. I’m not going to get on social media everyday, I’m going to eat healthier, I’m going to be kinder to those around me, I’m going to wake up everyday and be grateful for my life and most important I’m going to take time out for my mental health.
Menial health has such a negative connotation attached to it that many people believe that it means you are crazy, or you’re losing your mind which makes people not want to reach out for help who may really need it. Mental health especially in the black community is such an important topic and needs to be discussed more frequently because we never know what someone close to us is going through and maybe experiencing.
Looking back on this year, I realize that it wasn’t that this year was kicking my butt it was God was testing me and trying to see if when things got hard for me what would I do? Would I give up or would I continue to fight? I know now, that everything I went through this year I was suppose to go through. The good and the bad. God doesn’t make mistakes, he makes soldiers and that’s what he was preparing me to be for my 2018! Whatever obstacles, I may come across next year, I know I can handle because I’ve been pushed and tested to my breaking point and God still made a way for me to be okay.
This year isn’t over, don’t give up on yourself and don’t end it on a negative note. You have made it this far and you can still end the year the way you would like it to end and prepare for next year and make sure its the best year you’ve ever had! Fight for yourself, take time for yourself, believe in yourself because trust me darling you don’t have to be ” a good black women” because you were born ” A STRONG BLACK WOMAN.”