After reading Sarah’s blog entry last week “Is a long-distance relationship right for you?” my first reaction was, “Why, yes! Yes, it is!”
I’m a junior and have been dating a wonderful guy. We started dating just before I began my years here at St. Ambrose—literally, we began dating two weeks before leaving for school.
Tough part is: He doesn’t go to St. Ambrose.
Of course every family is different and mine differs from Sarah’s because career comes before marriage and babies. Instead of “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage,” my family would like to say, “First comes a degree, then comes the career, then comes love and marriage and the baby carriage.” Of course, my family is very supportive of my relationship and loves my boyfriend, but there is one comment that I consistently hear: “You’ve got lots of time.”
Nonetheless, I was thankful when my aunt and uncle’s questions went from, “Are you still seeing that boy?” to, “How’s he doing?” It made my relationship seem so much more real—and I loved it.
Sarah and her boyfriend, Eric
So, how did we make it work?
I’ll tell you right now – it has NOT been easy. Here, I will admit that freshman year was very tough. I was busy with my athletics and academics and didn’t have much time for an outside social life. But, this made my relationship stronger. I always had a friend – even if he wasn’t there in the flesh. He was just a simple “hello” text or a phone call away if we had time to talk for a while. Communication—that was key.
And, we didn’t use just our phones. I never intended to use Skype, but once I did, I was hooked. We used Skype to have “homework dates” (which we still do today) where we sit with Skype on, mute each other to focus on our work, and get to business with our piles of homework. It might sound silly to you, but it works for us. The simple fact that he was there – that I could physically see him – made the distance a lot easier.
Check number one from Sarah Vogel’s list – Using technology.
“Snail Mail” is check number two. Yes, it takes “forever,” but there’s nothing better than seeing a letter in the mailbox. And, seeing his handwriting makes things two times better! Might sound cheesy, but I feel a connection with him that way.
STAY BUSY. This is huge. Class work and the track team keep me very busy. Join a team, join a club, be involved! The fact that I didn’t have a social life freshman year might have helped my relationship with my boyfriend, but the fact that he’s not here has also made my friendships stronger. A few friends have LDRs too and know what I’m going through. A few know how much he means to me, and I know I can go to them whenever I’m feeling sad or missing him. A few know exactly how to distract me—a trip for ice cream, belting Lady Gaga’s “You & I,” singing along while watching Mamma Mia!, or watching Harry Potter and quoting the movie the entire time. Once the homework is all done, I busy myself with my friends, whom I’m so grateful to have.
Plan for the future, build trust, and avoid dangerous situations – check, check, CHECK! Call me desperate if you want, but I always know exactly the next date that I’ll get to see my boyfriend. It makes stress and loneliness of missing him easier. If you and your long-distance guy don’t plan this, you should! It makes a rough day turn into, “Hey, I get to see you in (so many days).” Building trust is easy—as long as you work at it. I tell my boyfriend everything; not because I want to bore him with all the details, but because this is how you build trust. I’d rather him hear something from me first, before it somehow gets to him from someone else. Of course, we’re both going to go out, and we do. But, we know our limits and that the great thing about trust—neither one of us tries to stretch the lines.
So, have a good time, join a club, and have “homework dates” over Skype.
Here’s a piece of information that I’ve heard several times from family and friends: “If it’s meant to be, then it’ll work out just fine.” And, for me, it’s working out just fine.