Never in my life had I experienced such a shift in different emotions all in one week. I went from being happy, excited, partying with new friends, to a sad, lonely girl just trying to figure out what was actually home. If this week is any indication of what the next four years will be, I would say that I’m ready for the adventure.
High School consists of four years you spend growing from being a little kid to an even bigger kid. You think that you’ve gotten a grip on life, you have a solid group of friends, and now you’re legally an adult! Yay, you’re ready to conquer the world…at least that’s what you thought. College rolls in, smacks you in the face, and wipes all that certainty away. You go from being at the top of the food chain your senior year in high school, to a little gnat flying around your freshman year in college looking for all your classes. And believe me, the upperclassmen will view you as a little bug, just because you are a freshman.
My best friends and I all went to different schools in the northeast. We became lone wolves looking to find our new packs. While my friends all started school weeks before me, September 3rd was the day that I would start my new adventure at this new place called college. I counted down the weeks with excitement, looking forward to begin something new.
We’ve all seen depictions of what it would be like. Movies and TV shows depict it as a crazy, raging party atmosphere almost 24/7. And, to some extent, especially during syllabus week, it can be. But, I still did not know what my experience would be like. I would call my friends almost daily asking them what their experiences were like. In the beginning, these phone calls surprised me because my friends were saddened at their new schools. They felt alone. I understood why they felt that way. They were in a new environment with new people, and weren’t able to go back home for an extended period of time. I told them to try to talk to more people on their campuses, go out, and just try to have fun. I cared about how they felt, but at the same time I dismissed the significance of their feelings. Feeling alone is not simply being by yourself in your dorm room. The feeling of loneliness can pervade while being surrounded by and conversing with hundreds of people. It was not until I started school that I realized how deep that feeling could be.
My very first day I moved in, amazed at all the people traveling along the College Avenue campus. But then, I also began to question where I was and how I would fit in. I went to a fairly large high school, but compared to Rutgers, my school was like earth and this university is like the whole freaking outer space.
After unloading all my stuff, I met up with a friend and spoke to her for a little bit. It was nice to see a familiar face, but the feeling of isolation started to build within me. Why? I was in an exciting new place with the opportunity to accomplish many things and meet countless people, so why did I still feel sad. It finally hit me how my other friends were feeling at their schools. The new adjustment to being in an unfamiliar place is hard for many human beings. Sitting alone in my dorm, I would cry incessantly. But, as time went on, and I went to my classes, I began to feel content with where I was. I met more people, signed up for a few clubs, and got into the motion of my new life. I still did not know exactly where home was, but I saw the potential of what Rutgers could be for me. It’s a place where I see myself making deep connections with new people, achieving new things that I never would think to be possible, and finding a better home within myself.