This past Friday, I found myself in a compromising position. No–it was not The Missionary Position, Doggie-Style, or the “oh-so-spectacular” Reverse Cowgirl. I was sitting alone waiting for my sexually active roommate to drunkenly stumble into our shoe-boxed size dorm room and slur the exciting details of her night, once again. Whether she is making-out with a buff basketball player, grinding with a Guido, or humping with a hipster, my roommate’s night is always guaranteed to be more exciting than mine–a night in with my BFFs, Ben and Jerry.
Still, each time I devour a spoonful of Chunky Monkey into my mouth, my mind begins to wander. I imagine Ben, a 6’4” jock with dark brown hair and a sparkling smile spooning each delectable bite close to my lips–only to kiss them instead. As Ben and I smooch, absorbed by cloud of sweetness, Jerry comes along! Jerry is a determined graduate student in his late twenties whose honey-colored eyes glow almost as bright as his sensitive soul. See, these guys know how to hit my sweet spots, make me smile wider than any ‘real’ guy could, and love me just as bountifully in a size eight as a size two. The relationship that Ben, Jerry, and I have is more than dietary-it is real love.
After I woke up from a sexually charged food coma, a wave of shock and embarrassment came over me for the first time. While my roommate gives sex eyes to hotties on the dance floor, — I’m undressing Hostess Cupcakes with mine! While she licks the tip of a frat boys “thang”, –I’m shoving an XL Snickers Bar down my throat. While she lovingly gazes into her man’s eyes, –I am peering through Chester the Cheetah’s sunglasses, desperate to catch a glimpse of his Cheeto.
Then, it hit me sharper than a brain-freeze (courtesy of Breyer’s).
My phallic-obsession is making me fat…and it is not okay!
I had at least an hour before my roommate would barge through the door. So, I quickly brushed the edible remnants of the crazy-night off of my sweat-shirt and got-to-googling.
I was not surprised to find out that there is a direct connection between fatty-foods and sexual arousal. Some foods, including chocolate, release the same endorphins that are dispensed during sexual activity. Recent studies have even showed that there is an implicit correlation between fat food and arousal that might be a cause for the heightened number of overweight and obese youth.
There is definitely nothing wrong with staying in on the weekend to study, hang out with the girls, or have some quality time with your family. But, when staying in equates to drowning your sexual-frustration in kilo-calories some changes need to be made. I have realized that there is no excuse for me, a nineteen-year old college sophomore, to replace my want for sex with food. Staying in on the weekend, eating away hormonal desires is no way for any young girl to live. We must be strong and choose to ignore that bag of oreos whispering sweet nothings in our ear. Instead of looking to junk-food for comfort, shake your hips to Pitbull and T-Pain, for the ‘G’ in G-Spot does not stand for ‘glucose’ and the key to solving your problems cannot be found at the bottom of a greasy-bag of chips!