Okay, the title of this article may be a bit deceiving. Love does, in fact, suck — at least for the most part.
Perhaps the worst thing about it is that it is often mistaken and twisted for lust. Contrary to popular belief, love does not solely consist of the overwhelming desire to make out with a certain someone on a regular basis. Love is a complicated variety of desires, most of them not sexual: the desire to see this person all the time, the desire to hear their voice on the phone, even the desire to have one thought that doesn’t somehow include them, to preserve your sanity.
Sure, it is perfectly acceptable — and somewhat obligatory — to simultaneously lust after the person you love. The two mostly go hand in hand. But if only the element of lust and sexual attraction is involved in your current “love affair,” you might want to take a closer look and pinpoint what exactly it is that you want from that relationship.
The worst part about love and lust is that they are very rarely equally proportioned. Usually one person loves more than the other, or one person lusts more than the other, which can leave the scale tipped in terms of a relationship. So if you are feeling less of the whole “butterflies in the pit of your stomach” and more of the “ohmygodIjustwanttomakeoutwithyourface” kind of feeling, approach this relationship, whatever it may be, with caution to avoid accidentally crushing their soul (or having your soul accidentally crushed) if your values and intentions don’t align perfectly.
As if the seemingly thin line between love and lust isn’t terrifying enough, Google the word “love” and see what comes up in the results. Some of the synonyms for this word are, evidently, “worship” and “idolize.” I don’t know about you, but just the thought that these words are considered even somewhat synonymous to the complexity of “love” is fucking scary. I’d like to think that I can simply just enjoy someone’s presence and admire their being without worshipping or idolizing them. People worship gods and celebrities and even devils (cough cough, Trump), but the feeling of love for someone you know should be a comfortable, equal balance of infatuation. If you’re worshipping your significant other, you might want to be slightly concerned.
Lastly, love sucks because it’s so, so scary to completely open up to someone and spend all of your time on them without the guarantee that it’ll be worth it. Thousands of texts, hundreds of kisses, dozens of insomnia-ridden nights where you wonder if they can’t sleep because they’re thinking of you, too. It’s bittersweet when you catch yourself picturing a future with someone you love, because it could either go one of two ways: you could be together forever, or not. The lack of “in betweens” in love is terrifying, because you’re either all in or all out, and it’s hard to only be half involved.
But when you find the person that makes you want to dive in — all in — maybe love will start to suck a little less. You’ll know when it happens; you’ll find yourself craving their mere presence and constantly thinking, wondering about their favorite albums and the scent of their shampoo. Suddenly you’re awestruck with every little thing they do and can’t wait to keep learning more about them as you increasingly spend time together. Song lyrics have a whole new meaning and you stop caring about the fact that strangers probably see you smiling to yourself and think you’re insane. This is the part when love is a miracle, when the amazing aspects of it are finally worth the sucky ones.
It’s gonna make you cry, it’s gonna make you a part-time resident on cloud nine, it’s gonna make you feel a thousand ways at once, but when love finally happens, it will be worth it all.