Today, everyone has some some form of anxiety brewing inside them. But because everyone feels anxiety differently, it is often mislabeled, misconstrued, and misunderstood. When people have anxiety attacks, their body may react differently, and some people may not even know it is happening to them because they see it as the norm. The truth is, there is no way to write an article about the truth about anxiety because it is different for everyone, so it becomes subjective and what is my truth may not be your truth. But here is my truth.
Anxiety is a monster sitting in the corner of your mind sending taunts and threats your way. It knows your deepest worries, and your deepest fears, and it takes every chance you give it to whisper the possibility of them becoming a reality in your ear. It looms over you as you sleep, and it eyes you as you go about your day. It waits for a moment of weakness – all it needs is a moment before it seeps into your bones through to your soul.
Anxiety is a plug, closing off the air to your lungs. It is a fist, squeezing what little air you do have in your lungs out. It is a cold sweat, making your entire body shiver but forming little beads of sweat all over you at the same time.
Anxiety is a pain that envelops your entire body and makes you feel as if you are constantly being hit by a door knob.
Anxiety is a swarm of moths ramming up inside of your abdomen.
Anxiety is an avalanche, closing you off from reality and making you believe that there is no escape.
Anxiety is a flood, dragging you down to the floor and holding you there until you are too weak to swim away.
But this is not what people see.
If my anxiety is different than yours, you may see me smiling, when in reality I am tuning out the little monster.
If my anxiety is different than yours, you think I am simply out of breath… When all I need is one.
If my anxiety is different than yours, you assume I can take a pain reliever and I will be okay.
If my anixety is different than yours, you see me catching snowflakes on my tongue.. While I feel the avalanche crushing me.
If my anxiety is different than yours, you see me dancing in the rain, while I struggle to stay afloat.
But my anxiety is not always silent.
Sometimes, it comes out in the form of rage.
Sometimes, it comes out in a wavering tone of voice.
Sometimes, it comes out in the form of vomit.
Sometimes, it comes in the form of sheer panic.
Sometimes, it comes so strongly that I become incapable of doing anything; eating, sleeping, or even speaking.
But that is not what people see.
People see anger issues.
People see a lack of confidence.
People see the stomach flu.
People see an overreaction.
People see fatigue.
But this is not all that anxiety does. It is not all that anxiety brings.
With anxiety, comes panic. Insomnia. Depression. OCD. Possibly eating disorders. Possibly something much more dangerous.
How do people cope? How do people fight?
They don’t.
Cover image courtesy of https://mindwanderingsword.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/anxiety.jpg