(Photo found on http://www.gretchenrubin.com)
An Open Letter to the Man Who Thinks My Parents are “Lousy”:
You remind me of the kind of person I used to be: ignorant. I mean this in the correct usage of the word, unknowing, but let me be the first one to educate you on the matter at hand: “lousy parenting” is not the cause of addiction.
In middle school my brother won an award on an essay he wrote for D.A.R.E. Nearly a decade later, he was in admitted to a rehabilitation center for his heroin addiction. Surely, the easiest people to blame are not the addicts themselves, but their parents.
It is individuals like you that spread the idea that parents of addicts do not properly educate their children about the dangers of drugs and substance abuse. It is individuals like you that contribute to the unimaginable amount of guilt that my parents carry around with them every day of their lives.
Addiction is a disease, and one that is far too often believed to be a choice. It took me years to grasp this concept and finally understand that my brother’s actions were a direct reflection of his illness, not who he was as a person.
As I am writing this, my brother is in Florida for his 6th attempt at treatment, and I am currently pursuing a degree at my university. Perhaps you believe I’m one of the “lucky ones,” that by some miracle I did not become an addict despite the fact I was raised in the same household as my brother. The truth is, anyone can become an addict regardless of age, gender, race, and especially, who raises you.
My parents did the absolute best they could raising both my brothers and me. They always supported us throughout school and sports, as well as personal goals in our lives. They always put our wants and needs before their own even if statistically they didn’t have the means to do so. They always educated us on how to be genuine individuals who respected others and held onto good morals.
My parents are not the reason that my brother is an addict. In fact, my parents are the reason he is still alive to this day.
I want to thank you for reminding me that there are individuals like you in the world who, even as an adult, do not understand addiction. I also want to thank you for inspiring me to write and share this article, something I have never done in the past. I am not ashamed of my brother, in fact, I am proud of him for repeatedly seeking treatment; he is constantly battling internally with himself and he is not allowing his disease to win.
Sincerely,
A Proud Daughter and Sister