(photo found on http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk)
Some people give change a negative connotation. They make you promise to never change, or say “you’ve changed” with a solemn look in their eyes; as if it is wrong for anyone to change and grow as a person. As if we aren’t supposed to. Subjectively, the complete opposite is true. Change is inevitable, it just takes a certain situation to force change upon us. The death of a family member can force someone to mature quickly or a near death experience can prompt someone to change how they live their life. Fortunately, I have not had any life altering incidents that changed me forever. In my eighteen years of life, I can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where there is a clear change in my lifestyle or personality. Up until the summer before college, I was surrounded by the comfort of consistency. The same town, the same friends, the same classmates. It is no wonder I didn’t change much when the world around me stayed the same. It’s not until I was settled into college, a completely different atmosphere than what I was accustomed to, that I realized how much I had changed in just a few short months.
In late August, as I was saying goodbye to my best friends who have watched me grow up throughout the years, we all made a pact to not let college change us. At first it seemed like a reasonable request, but somewhere between the early mornings trying not to fall asleep in my 8am classes and the late nights partying with my new friends, I learned quickly that it’s no easy feat. The way I see it now, if college hasn’t changed you, you aren’t experiencing it right. When I compare who I was in high school to who I am now, I don’t necessarily see a completely different person, I see a girl who has found herself.
Throughout high school, my mother always said I was “the girl who wore her heart on her sleeve.” I cared too much about other people’s feelings and opinions, usually putting up a façade of who I really was or how I was really feeling to avoid problems. I had my heart broken so many times by boys that didn’t even know my middle name or my favorite show. Looking back on it, it just shows how I opened up to people who didn’t want to be opened up to in the first place. When I got to college, I took my past experiences and made a promise to myself to never let it happen again. I molded myself into a carefree girl who doesn’t let feelings dictate her behavior. Becoming more closed off is the best thing that could have happened to me because it has spared so many unnecessary heartaches. I have learned that my happiness comes first and I’ll do anything to protect it, even if it means hurting someone else’s feelings along the way. Although I’d say I’ve changed in many aspects regarding relationships, I’m glad that my caring, genuine side still shines through toward people who deserve it. Above all, my first semester of college has taught me to keep my guard up, but also have the courage to let it down.
With all the new found freedom that comes with living on campus, it’s all too easy to forget that we’ve here to get a degree. In high school, I was by no means a star student, letting indifference toward my school work fuel my procrastination and resulting in painfully average grades. I always knew I was capable of so much more, but just couldn’t see the real value in what I was learning. Come senior year, I was stricken with senioritis that rolled over into college. In the first month of school, I struggled hard with balancing the workload and experiencing college life. My roommate vividly recalls it taking me “hours of staring at a blank Word document before I finally started an essay.” It wasn’t until one stress filled week with assignments due in every class that I realized I needed to manage my time better if I wanted to make it through the semester. From then on, I made it a point to start essays several days in advance instead of waiting until the last moment. If I find myself having a hard time focusing, I go to the library for a few hours or if I am behind in school work I skip the big party on Thursday night. I have learned to focus more on my future instead of always living in the moment. Although it’s easy to get caught up in the fun and freedom, if anything, this semester has taught me that college is all about balancing that freedom with responsibility.
In high school, there really wasn’t much I was accountable for. I kept my room clean, went to school and volleyball or softball afterwards, worked a part-time job at an ice cream store, and that’s as far as my responsibilities went. I remember my dad telling me “you better learn how to iron your clothes because in college, I won’t be around to do it for you.” I shrugged off his advice, thinking I’ll learn one day. Little did I know ironing clothes would be the least of my responsibilities. There’s no one to take care of me when I’m sick, no one to drag me out of bed on cold mornings to send me off to class, no one to buy me groceries (which is my personal least favorite chore,) and the list goes on and on. I finally got a taste of adulthood and it was quite the wake up call. It took up until this point in my college career to really adjust to being completely independent and to learn to manage my time. In my opinion, independence is one of the best qualities anyone can acquire from going away for college because it truly gets you ready for the real world, as cliché as it sounds. I have matured more in the last three months in college than I have in the last three years in high school. As opposed to my 20-year-old brother who is still living at home because he took the commuter route, I feel far more prepared to live an independent life after college than he ever did at my age. In short, responsibility is something that is forced upon college students whether they are ready for it or not. As I make my transition from relaxed teenager to mature adult, I can thank my first semester in college for forcing that change on me.
There’s no doubt college changes people. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. When my friends and I made the pact to never change, I don’t think we really understood that it’s possible to change your lifestyle and mindset, while still being the same person at the core. Without change, there is no growth and that’s in essence what life is all about. I wouldn’t say I’ve lost touch with who I was before college; I actually believe that I’m more myself than I ever was. I’ve found who I think I’m truly meant to be, and although I still have plenty of growing up to do, it’s evident that I’m the best version of myself so far. College has been an experience that has already changed my life for the better and the best part is—my journey has just begun.