“I like him but….”, “He didn’t text me, should I…”, “I want a relationship, but….” these are just a few questions that reign true in the minds of some women. I’ve personally struggled with these questions, whether if I should express my interest in a crush, should I text him first, or even when is the right time to discuss a relationship. It’s so ironic to believe that after four waves of feminism and standing up for our rights, that we still debate on whether if it’s acceptable to contact a man first. If we’re uneasy about texting, tweeting, or calling him/her first it should be no surprise that we resort and accept the whimsy requirements of casual dating, in spite of truly wanting a deeper commitment. In this day and age, the concept of courtship: which Wikipedia defines as the “the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind” has become extinct. Especially among college students there’s fairly little “wooing” that is done, is it impractical to imply that chivalry is dead or has our generation resorted to accepting unflattering behaviors of affection. According to Urban Dictionary, thirst is defined as “A form of lust of or want of members of the opposite sex”; this idea of a thirsty male or female has replaced the concept of courting. Nowadays when someone shows a genuine interest and wants to get to know you, you immediately assume that person is “thirsty or desperate” and write them off-ironically we’ll allow and accept the sexist attempts of someone who is only concerned about one thing. I am not writing this article to insult anyone but to inform the readers; as a member of this poorly misguided generation in regards to dating, I too have fallen prey to men who failed to recognize my worth. The transition of gaining your crush’s interest is a slippery slope, but it should never begin with “you” suppressing your worth. Here are some questions to refer to when entering casual dating, courtship, just friends, or even the “just talking stage”:
1. Where do you see this relationship going?
2. Does he/she share similar values, interests, and goals as you?
3. Has he/she introduced you to their family and/or friends?
4. Do they avoid the topic of a committed relationship?
5. Are they consistent?
The last question might seem irrelevant in comparison to the other questions, but is consistency important to you? Personally, I literally had a guy crush on me since the age of fourteen and just when I gave him a chance in college-he stopped trying. He would still express his feelings for me but he changed from being that considerate gentleman who “wooed” me to an inconsistent guy who started to view me as a tangible item, his ability to abide by “set” plans began to lessen as his excuses became more frequent. It’s simple to transition from a crush to a love interest if you remember to never settle in order to please someone else, make your expectations for your relationship known, and to never accept being someone’s “dirty little secret”-it was a catchy, popular song but no one wants to be kept in the dark. So as your dreading the arrival of Valentine’s Day remember that one day of admiration doesn’t excuse an unhealthy relationship, if you’re unhappy and know you deserve better then create your own happy ending. Sometimes a happy ending very much like Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to involve a significant other, but it can include your friends, family, and even yourself- so this Valentine’s Day if you’re a :”Scrooge” about the day, buy yourself a box of chocolates, order some take out, or even go see a mushy love story. We happily celebrated many Valentine’s Day before entering the dating world, so don’t let the struggle of gaining your crush’s attention ruin your Valentine’s Day.