I don’t remember ever falling asleep. But, here I am, waking up.
I have a screeching headache; I can’t even find the strength to open my eyes yet. Great, since I’m driving half of the way to sunny San Diego from Alabama State. Last minute, my three roommates and I decided on this getaway, a break from stress and blues—failing two bio tests, breaking up with my boyfriend of a year, almost losing my grandmother to cancer. All night my mind danced with the image of white sand and turquoise water decorating the Golden Coast, finally free from past heartaches.
Now I’m lying in bed in my apartment, willing myself to move. I feel exhausted and powerless from this migraine.
I hear vague hustling and chatting throughout the room, so I know the girls are up. Chloe will shake me awake any second. But, oddly, I hear the familiar voices of my parents echoing on the walls of my apartment. They’re back at home in Carolina, so I know I must still be half asleep and dreaming.
Unless something happened. Something at home.
My heartbeat begins to speed; I’m terrified that my grandma’s cancer worsened, nauseous at the idea of losing her. She was better…
There’s a loud beeping sound. My alarm? I reach over to shut it off, but I’m numb. It’s like I’m not in control of my body. The beeping persists as panic rises within me, somehow interrelated with each other.
I want to speak to my parents. I want to ask them why they’re here, in Alabama.
All I can hear is the beeping, and I wonder why no one has come in to wake me up yet. “She didn’t make it.” My mother’s voice is quivering, shattering any faith I had left in me. I want to ask who? more than anything. But I don’t know how to lift my head or open my mouth. My grandma is dead. Isn’t she? She didn’t make it…
“None of them did…” my grandma’s voice trails off.
My mind is dizzy, spinning with questions and noise—my family’s voices viciously colliding with the constant beeping of my alarm. It’s all too much. It’s all too loud. It hurts my head even more. I can’t bare the pain that’s digging into my temple.
I’m confused and drained and terrified because I can’t escape; there’s heavy feeling in my chest.
“Wake up…” I hear my father’s voice beg. “Please, wake up, sweetie.” But I can’t. I want to wake up. I want to wake up and know what’s happening—why they’re all here. I want to wake up and start the trip of my life with my three best friends. I want to wake up from this painful darkness.
I feel myself skidding uncontrollably now. There’s a bright light shining in my right eye, then my left, then both, coming closer and closer, faster and faster.
I’m hit all over again.
I open my eyes. There were four of us…now there’s just me.