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Stephan’s 9 Steps to Clubbing

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Stephan Baxter
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Kaitlin Carragher
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Rochester chapter.

Hey, Hey, Hey, it’s Stephan again! Now even though its ten degrees outside and snowing, we all still have to party, right? And, since I’m the most experienced partier that I know, you should all listen close and I guarantee you’re gonna have the best freaking night of your life. Ladies, I present to you:
 
Stephan’s 9 Steps to Clubbing:
 

  • Step #1- 8:00pm) Have some drinks beforehand. It’s winter and it’s cold out there ladies so bundle up and hit that bottle. Nothing numbs the coldest nights quite like it! Also, your drunkenness will help ease the incredible steadily increasing pain that your shoes will be causing you all night. So once you’re finally up and stumbling around be careful to notice that heels and ice make a terrible combination. But take solace in the fact that when you inevitably do fall on your a**, you will hardly feel anything at all.
  • Step #2- 10:30pm) Never pay for a cab.  Note: this is going to be much easier if you diligently follow step number one.  If anyone in the cab calls you out or anything, just say you’ll “totally buy them a drink at the bar,” but then make sure to stay far away from that person for the rest of the night.
  • Step #3- 12:00am) Dance sexily in small groups of girls. This is the best technique to pick up guys at the club, no question. He observes the buffet table of possible ladies and then he sits back and takes his pick. So while you’re in the gyrating mosh-pit, be sure to be dancing the sexiest otherwise you’re not getting any a** tonight.
  • Step #4- 12:45am) Go with the flow. After your man comes over and dances with you, just go with it you nasty girl. Shake that a**! Oww! Then, in exactly 12 minutes, he’s going to try to make out with you so, either go with it if you want, or if you’re not into it just say, “Hey, do you want to buy me a drink…”
  • Step #5- 1:26am) Have him buy you a drink. If you trick him well enough, he’ll still think he has a chance to get with you and then the liquor will start to flow! Now, be sure to explore this step in great detail, because it’s going to be the most utilized step on the list by far.
  • Step #6- 2:53am) Repeat steps 3-5 until you’ve had a happy and fulfilled night.
  • Step #7- 3:18am) See #2
  • Step #8- 3:24am) Order pizza immediately. It’s of utmost importance that you end your night with a delicious warm pizza to soak up all of your equally delicious free booze. Not only will the pizza taste better than anything you could ever imagine, this presents yet another opportunity for you to utilize the skills learned in steps #2 and #7.
  • Step #9- 3:52) Take some Advil and pass the f*** out.

 
Well there you have it ladies, Stephan’s 9 Steps to a great freaking night out! The associated times are merely suggestions, but extra points will be awarded to your nights that most closely follow the projected times. Cheers my ladies! See you at the club this weekend! I’ll be the guy in the corner, pole dancing with a Hispanic man, (and let’s just say we’re gonna be practicing the double pole tonight…) OH, somebody shut me up, I’m too bad!

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Kaitlin Carragher is a junior at the University of Rochester majoring in Economics and minoring in Legal Studies.  While she has no previous experience with journalism, she is very excited to be a part of the Her Campus team.  Speaking of journalism, she put off writing this bio for four months, but hey who's counting?  Since her major's not quite her favorite thing, Kaitlin has spent most of her undergraduate career getting involved on campus.  She is currently President of the Epsilon Rho Chapter of Kappa Delta Sorority, an active member of student government, a Student-Alumni Ambassador, Relay for Life coordinator, and a few other other things--guess you can never have too many activities.  Originally from the suburbs of Boston, Kaitlin will be spending this summer in Dublin, Ireland, where she's hoping to finally be among people that are just as pale and freckled as she is.  Along with being pale, her other main weaknesses include a fear of the ocean, hatred of potato chips, and the inability to correctly pronounce "hot dog."  Kaitlin's current obsessions include Groupon, greek yogurt, and 90s pop music.  After college Kaitlin hopes to go into marketing, but she is currently searching for ways to extend the length of senior year to forever.