Getting out of a relationship and going back into singlehood is a challenge and not a typical one. It’s part of the game section of the Carnival. It’s a challenge that requires strategy and coordination. As fun as it can be, it takes some thinking. One of the first games you will see in the game section of a Carnival of Love is The Bell and The Hammer, a game that on the exterior the way to win appears to be strength, but in all actuality it’s so much more than that.
Getting out of a relationship is not easy; I think it’s one of the hardest things to do. My relationship with Anthony was one of those on again off again ordeals, although our feelings were on the whole time. Finally we talked about this issue and we promised each other that we would stick it through and not break up with each other anymore. Then a couple days later we had an argument and out of anger he broke up with me. We had a plan for a date the next day and he asked me if I would still go. I did and we talked and he asked me to give him another chance. I said no. I loved him and I wanted to be with him, but he needed to understand that we could not be so wishy-washy and I was hoping that some time away from him would teach him that. I had to be strong. I had to use all my strength to stay away so that we could eventually meet our goal and be where we want to be; happy. That is what I believed.
The Bell and Hammer looks as if it has the same concept. You have to use all your strength and hit that pad with the hammer as hard as you can so that you can make the bell ring! That’s how I would do it. However that’s not actually how the game works. Step #1 on How to Win at the Hammer Carnival Game is…
*“Focus on hand eye coordination. The secret to the Hammer game at a carnival is about the player's ability to accurately and effectively hit the hammer on the button. Hitting the target spot on is the key to a successful win at the carnival Hammer game.”
It’s finding the target, finding your focus; that’s the key to winning and that’s the first step to getting out of a relationship, and I don’t mean changing your relationship status on facebook I mean emotionally feeling like you are not in the relationship.
After I told Anthony I did not want to get back together, he asked if I would at least wait for him try to work it out and I said yes. However, the next day I was thinking over when Anthony broke up with me and how I cried and cried ridiculously, in a way that I had promised myself I never would cry; especially for a guy. Thinking about this I realized I had lost a big part of who I was. As hard as it was for me to admit, and it still is to this day, I depended on him to validate my worth. I’m not very close with my family and he was all I had, the only consistent person in my life. Thinking about this, I didn’t like it and so I called him and I told him that I changed my mind, I could not wait for him because I had to work on finding myself and my own self worth. I had found my focus.
For me, the hardest part of being in a relationship is allowing myself to trust and depend on the other person, especially since this the easiest way to get hurt, but what I’ve learned is to never lose sight of what’s important, me. I have to remember to put myself and my feelings first. Only I can validate my self-worth. The Bell and Hammer game takes strength, yes. But without that focus, without knowing what’s really important, all that strength means nothing. You have to know your reason for getting over this guy, no one can tell you, but you.
So I ask you ladies, what’s your focus?