Our popular conception of sexuality depicts sexual orientation as constant and unchanging; any deviation from one’s prescribed sexual orientation is seen as cause for redefining said orientation to more closely mirror shifting behavior. This cultural reality arose from research practices and general notions about male sexuality. Since for the vast majority of history practically everyone has viewed life through the male lens, sexuality and sexual orientation have also been construed in masculine terms, completely neglecting women and the differences that may arise with gender. This coloring of worldview stalled the progress of sexuality research until around the 1970s, when researchers began to conduct surveys and case studies of women and their sexual expression and orientation, discovering something interesting: women of all orientations displayed some variance of sexual fluidity. This phenomenon challenged preconceived notions about sexuality and can thus help us challenge our own views and interpretations of sexuality and sexual orientation.
Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, defines sexual fluidity in her book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire as the “situation-dependent flexibility in women’s sexual responsiveness” (pg. 3). A woman’s sexual orientation is not a hard and fast rule that must be followed at all times; rather, variance in circumstances and situations can influence how women express their sexuality. Lisa Diamond writes that “women of all orientations may experience variation in their sexual and affectional feelings as they encounter different relationships, situations, and stages in their lives” (pg. 3). However, this described “variation” does not mean that all women are bisexual – it just means that differing circumstances in a woman’s life can lead to some changes in sexual desires and preferences. Moreover, it should not be assumed that sexuality is necessarily fluid, or that every single woman expresses sexual fluidity in the same fashion or under the same circumstances. Sexual fluidity can influence everyone differently depending on their personality, upbringing, life stage, etc. Fluidity is just an additional component of a woman’s sexuality that works together with her sexual orientation to influence behaviors, attractions, and affections. In other words, sexual orientation is not the only factor relevant in determining a woman’s attractions or sexual desires.
In order to understand how sexual fluidity manifests itself in real life, I decided to conduct interviews with four college women and my mother, four of whom identified as heterosexual and one who identified as bisexual. Of the four heterosexual women, only two would consider a same-sex relationship. However, three out of the four would consider a same-sex sexual encounter. The reasoning one gave for not considering a same-sex relationship was that she did not find the female physique attractive, and therefore could not pursue a relationship with a woman. Another said she could never have a same-sex relationship because she could never develop the same emotional connection with a woman that she could with a man. Interestingly enough, everyone interviewed claimed to be open to changes in their sexuality, simply because they cannot possibly know what will happen in the future. All of the interviewees were of different nationalities and backgrounds, and all gave drastically different responses; some demonstrated more sexual fluidity than others.
One element that potentially led to many of the interviewees being closed to the option of either a same-sex relationship or sexual encounter could be the fact that they never even thought of such a deviance as an option. When I questioned one of the interviewees about her sexual preferences and opinions on her own sexuality, she said to me, “You know, I never thought about any these questions before now or even before coming to college.” Many times, we think of ourselves differently when we are exposed to different possibilities regarding behavior and thinking; personally, I have definitely encountered situations in college that have changed my outlook on life and even on myself. Socialization can play a big role in how we express and think of our sexuality, leading us to believe, like many of my interviewees, that deviating from our primary sexual orientation “would never happen, ever.” Granted, being exposed to new ideas and understandings will not necessarily make you change everything about your thinking and thus, in this context, may not make you more open to a same-sex relationship or sexual encounter. However, if we as a society acknowledge that deviating from our perceived sexual orientations does not inherently necessitate a questioning of our sexuality at large, we can then better accept the notion that sexual orientation does not have the final say in determining our preferences and desires.
Understanding sexual fluidity helped me to be more accepting of the changes I undergo, especially the changes in my sexual preferences. I hope more people can come to understand that sexuality is not as cut and dry as social norms would like us to believe and thus prescribe to. Human beings are complicated, and every aspect of our lives should be viewed as such.