There are two types of people in this world—the type of person who hates read receipts, and the type of person who says they don’t mind them. The former is 99% of people in this world (a statistic that is not backed up by any kind of scientific study and/or mass survey, but is probably true). The latter, on the other hand, is blatantly and aggressively lying to you. Shame on you for being so gullible.
I might be biased—I don’t know though, I don’t usually share my opinions, so you may be wondering how I actually feel about this topic. Nothing in this article so far indicates how I really feel. But let’s actually delve into this and do some assessing. What is the purpose of read receipts? Why do people use them? And are they offensive or no? Let’s break it down.
1) I’m too cool for you so I’m going to use read receipts to make you feel like an insect of a human being.
This person is actually the worst. They want to flaunt their existent (or nonexistent) coolness over you, as well as their nonchalance for the fact you took time out of your day to contact them. This is what I have to tell you—you are a strong, independent woman (or man) who doesn’t need people’s read receipts to dictate your well-being. So it’s time to say hasta la vista to these people; you don’t this type of negativity in your life.
2) I use read receipts because cool people are using them and I’m just tryna go with it and get in with this crowd. They’re jumping off a cliff later? I’m going to do it too.
This is lame. Acquire your own viewpoints and opinions. Don’t let these people tell you what to do. Don’t let these read receipts sweet talk you like this. You are better than this. You are smarter than this. Choose the right path. The non-read-receipt path. Just say no. You can be edgy and mysterious and cool and funny and beautiful all rolled up into one only if you choose the non-read-receipt path. Trust me, I know.
3) I use read receipts legitimately and seriously so my friends will know I’m busy and I’m not ignoring them. It’s common courtesy.
Does this person exist? Yeah? No? Yeah, definitely no. And if you are this person, you’re lying to yourself. No one is this innocent. No one who actually has a real-life, blood-pumping heart would be this person. If you are this innocent, please introduce yourself to me, because I need to see this with my own eyes to believe it. Also because I want to throw your phone into a body of water.
4) Wait, what are read receipts? I have them on? I don’t see anything red on my screen?
You are probably a mom.
*Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece of writing.