Lately, I’ve been contemplating why everyone has such interest in being in a relationship. Company? Romance? Lust? Even I have thought sometime in my early teens that I’d like to date or get married. I’ve been having talks with some of my friends that are in relationships and, now, I’m feeling more than ever that I’m not ready. Here are a few (of the many, many) reasons that I’ve found as symptoms of a person who is not ready for a relationship.
1. You don’t take care of yourself.
Romantic relationships mean that two partners are taking care of each other. When one is down, the other is a clown- so says Elton John and Kiki Dee. Now, logically, you can’t take care of someone else if you can’t even take care of yourself. I’m talking about basic necessities here- getting sleep, eating regular nutritious meals, washing dirty laundry… these are the basic of the basic. The vow is “in sickness and in health, richer or poorer” and “’til death do us part.” How can you take care of a whole other person if you can’t take care of a fraction of yourself? Not having your basic routine together is a sign you’re definitely not ready. If you can’t do these, don’t expect some prince (or princess) charming to come knocking on your door.
2. You think you’re always right.
How many times have you gone to someone and complained about something that happened that day? Say, someone in one of your classes or at your job did some so totally uncalled for that you blew up at them and smashed their face with a squash. Then, you try to justify your aggressive behavior by explaining that the other party shouldn’t have done what they did and if they hadn’t they wouldn’t have gotten what they got. Like the previous sentence, the logic doesn’t flow quite right. Whoever you told this story to would probably roll their eyes and say that you should have handled the situation better. Pushing the blame around shows a lack of maturity and a slack sense of responsibility. Not willing to admit where you’re wrong and apologize is definitely a red flag on any partner. Make sure it’s not sitting on your head.
3. You don’t do house chores.
This goes for male and female, 20s, 30s, 40s… if you don’t do house chores, you aren’t ready for a relationship. Doing house chores shows that you know what to do and when to do it, even if you don’t want to. This is part of adulthood. Whining about doing your own laundry, doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom shows that you actually aren’t ready for life- let alone taking it on with a romantic partner. Even if one were to date or marry someone who has Franklins falling out of their nose, not being able to do anything on your own makes you a parasite- not a partner.
4. You aren’t willing to try new things.
Let’s talk about REAL-relationships for a moment. You will have fights in relationships. You won’t always see eye to eye. Sometimes they’ll try to get you watch some weird British baking show and you just want to watch Stranger Things. Sometimes they’ll want Mexican and you’ll berate them for considering Taco Bell as Mexican food. The thing is, this is how REAL-relationships are. Of course, you both will share some tastes, hence the relationship, but there will always be some differences. The choice has to be made to respect these differences. Heck, even trying some of these things you claim to not enjoy might prove to be enjoyable in the company of another. Being willing to step out of your comfort zone and delve into the things your partner enjoys might bring you closer than you think.
5. You don’t have any plans or goals.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to not know what you want to do or want to be (I’m not even sure myself what I want to do), but not having a plan or goal shows that you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Why? Because how do you know a relationship won’t get in the way of what you want to do? I’ve seen a bunch of relationships crumble because one party had no idea what to do with their life and once they find a passion, they struggle to see how the partner will fit in. I’ve seen some crumble because a lack of ambition is just generally unattractive according to some of my friends. Take the time of singleness to experience the world and decide what type of person you wish to become.
6. You struggle with your identity.
I strongly disagree with the statement “you complete me,” when directed toward a romantic partner. I strongly believe in the individual being the individual with a romantic partner as a complement to life. This goes along with #5, but if you aren’t sure who you are, you aren’t ready for a relationship. People change. Feelings change. Relationships aren’t things that need more uncertainty than what is innate to them. By nature, relationships are a risk, but why make it more of a risk than necessary instead of taking the time to get to know yourself? The things you learn could be helpful in your relationship like pet peeves or desires. Until you are assured in yourself, don’t get into a relationship. It will place pressure on the other party to assure you and that doesn’t end well.
What do you think of the list? Do you have any telltales that you look out for?
Photo Credit: Tiyra McLaughlin