Like any product of this generation, we tend to assume that a friend request from the cute guy from class is instant grounds to start pinning your impending wedding. Before you begin navigating your way through ‘psycho’ and straddling the line of ‘delusional’, it’s pivotal to… just stop. We get it; he is just so cute, and he answered that 3am text – even following it up with a first date booty call. So why stop? You’re basically on the fast track to couple of year, right? Wrong. Relax. Insanity is only temporary and we have 5 simple solutions to get his attention [without a restraining order]. We can promise that he won’t be subtweeting #WhyIsSheSoObssessedWithMe?
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The Push Pull Method
You’re on a night out, and you see the cute guy you’ve been stalking via Facebook for days. Do a lap around the bar until the golden opportunity arises… then coincidentally “bump” into him as you order a drink. While you’re mentally jumping up and down for joy, remember that less is always more. If he answers with more than one word, you may have just pulled his attention. If he “one words” you… push your way back into the crowd.
2. Five Second Rule:
Assuming the hello at the bar worked, you have about five seconds to play this out in your head. If you want the “heyyy” text in the morning, you probably should mix in a water with your drink order. If you are opting for, well, you know … order another round. There is nothing better than beating guys at their own game! Bottoms ups.
3. Psycho is NEVER, EVER in season:
Moving right along, perhaps you opted for Plan B. Let’s say he hasn’t texted you by the time ‘tomorrow’ rolls around: you’re dealing with a bro here, so let’s be real… never contact him more than he contacts you. Go to the mall, go to the gym, read a book for goodness sake, just remember move away from the phone. Don’t fret, step four will rectify this immediately.
4. Let’s Take a #Selfie
When Jason was at the table I kept on seeing him look at me while he was with that other girl? Do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous? Assuming you followed step three, the answer is always yes. Let him chase you. If you see other guys, talk to them. If he is looking at you, it is probably a really good time to snap a groupie [group selfie, duh]. I assure you, he will not only like it… but follow it up with that “heyyy” text if you had went that other route in step two.
5. Love is a Battlefield
Only the smart survive and let’s face it, all is fair in love and war; since you are most definitely not in love, batter up babes! It’s time for war. You’ve gained his attention, maybe even woke up cuddling and got him to speak to you the next day…so what next? Nothing.
You’ve surpassed amateur hour. Spring Training is dunzo. You’ve laid your cards out and as this bro mulls over his inherent animal magnetism, keep on walking. As he stands there wondering how you just played his game better than him, recognize only the strong survive and when he is ready #HeWillComeAndGetIt.