In every relationship, each person makes exceptions and accepts aspects of their partners they may not like. It’s a compromise. You ignore little things like them perpetually arriving late, or being a painfully picky eater. You do so because the other parts to them mask all the rest. You do so because you enjoy your time with them despite these minute grievances. Both of you learn how to meet in the middle to create a healthy and enjoyable relationship.
But, what happens when you start to accept things that you shouldn’t?
Over time you begin to allow behaviors that go against what you want. Time and time again I hear my friends (and myself) talk about current or previous partners that never made time for them, ignored them when they were with their friends, or failed to be interested in what they were passionate about. Yet, we still stay. A small part of us allows us to stay because a negative voice tells us we might not be able to find anyone better.
This may come off as an unfair assessment, but in my opinion, it seems like women who are in relationships with men tend to diminish their desires because of social acceptances of male behavior. I can’t count the number of times I have been told, “You’re just going to have to accept the fact that men aren’t like women. They’re less sensitive and don’t think as much.”
In some ways, yes, men are unlike women. But, I have come to believe that this is grossly unfair to those men out there who do embrace their emotions and have the ability to relate to women in this way. Men are just as capable as women to communicate and show affection for their partners in the same manner that the woman might.
Just recently, I was feeling frustrated thinking about how men speak about women to their friends. They talk about a woman’s body in such degrading ways and continue to do so because it’s accepted amongst each other. I will never forget the response I got when I brought this up with someone. They said, much like the other quote that, “Men are like this. All men speak this way. It’s something you’re going to have to learn to tolerate.”
I can’t wrap my mind around why this seems to be such a well-known rule about men in society. Why do we allow this judgement to be had of men? Why is it not demanded that men be held to a higher standard? Why should women be able to be demeaned just because “it’s what men do,”?
Don’t get me wrong, women are obviously not innocent of speaking crudely of men either. But, it stands to be a systemic issue in our society, that men are held to a much lower principle. When women give advice to other friends about how to handle problems with boyfriends, it usually ends with saying men think less than women, and therefore shouldn’t be held liable for offensive or unfair actions made. I don’t agree with this.
Men are plenty capable of listening, sharing and thinking. Not only are they capable, but they do it frequently. So why does this change when it is related to how they act in relationships with women? Why is the bar dropped just because women are deemed hypersensitive and overly demanding? Women are painted in such a poor light, and men are retrospectively given leeway.
Too often women accept negative behaviors because they believe they cannot find someone better – because all men are this way, right?
Another sad truth that some women believe is that all men cheat, and there isn’t much we can do about it. My friends and I have joked too many times that there isn’t one guy out there who hasn’t cheated on a significant other. But, there’s something real beneath that joke. How has it become accepted that men behave this way, simply because they are men? “All guys cheat, it’s just how it is.” This is just another misconception that unfairly confines a great amount of men out there who don’t act unfaithfully. But it doesn’t negate the fact that women are continuing to allow themselves to endure forms of pain because society seems to believe men are biologically wired this way.
Again, women are not innocent of similar actions. What I am trying to get at is the societal rules based on biological makeup that try to make women accept things in relationships that they shouldn’t. These stereotypes and generalized statements allow women to believe they should stay with men that might treat them poorly because the next guy will probably do the same, and you’re just being an overly sensitive girl.
It’s time to alter the way women characterize men. It’s time to stop telling each other that men don’t think as much as we do, and that that should exonerate them of neglectful or unfair treatment. It’s time to honor the men that do bare their emotions, and acknowledge us when they are with their friends, and speak of women in the most respectful manner, and set this as the standard. It’s time to stop making exceptions because of a biological make-up. Haven’t we evolved?