Life in university is all about starting fresh and embracing a newfound independence – you’re young, free, and looking for adventure. For most people, the late teens and early twenties is not the time to be investing in a relationship with a partner who is stuck somewhere else… miles away.
But what if that person is you?
You can choose to opt out of the dreaded Long-Distance-Relationship, of course. That’s what your friends and family might tell you is the smart decision to make. And after being in an LDR myself for two-and-a-half years now, I can tell you that it never really gets much easier. However, if, like me, you are a firm believer that difficulty trumps regret any day, and if you’ve found someone who makes you at least want to give love a try, here are some tips for the journey.
1. Avoid Limbo
Limbo can mean a lot of different things, but in an LDR, it has one very specific definition: the time you spend away from your significant other for an indefinite amount of time.
Being apart from your partner is tricky, and will never be the ideal situation, but the best way to diminish the misery of that distance is hope. In the midst of a current visit, or possibly right after one, plan the next time the two of you plan to see one another – book your plane ticket, pick your train seat, whatever it may be. Always bet on the idea that there will be a next time.
2. Protect Your Independence
Having someone to lean on and go to for emotional support is a wonderful thing, but one of the most important facts to acknowledge when you’re in a relationship is that you will have adventures together and separately. Cultivate yourself, and build up a life with your university friends and ambitions that will help you to feel purposeful even during the long weeks you spend apart from your partner. Although it is perfectly normal to feel lonely at times, especially when you’re surrounded by reminders of other couples, try not to dwell on what you’re lacking and, instead, focus on what’s right in front of you.
3. Communicate Clearly
Communication is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, long distance or otherwise. In an LDR, though, the stakes are arguably much higher, and poor communication (or lack thereof) could end up being a deal-breaker in the long run. Arguments in an LDR are typically worse and escalate much quicker than arguments you have in person. The fact is, it is just easier to hold onto your pride, to feel resentful toward your partner, when your relationship is already strained enough as it is due to the underlying sadness of not getting to be as involved with each other as you want so badly to be. So being upfront with your S.O. when you’re upset, and the reasons why you’re upset, is actually much healthier than bottling up all those negative emotions inside. Sharing the challenge of tackling a LDR is something the two of you share, so be as open and honest as possible.
Despite its trials and tribulations, being in a LDR forces you to constantly re-assess the significance of that person to your life, because the work is not worth it if not for the right person. Although the distance is both a blessing and a curse, the constant reminder of what exactly you’re fighting for will indubitably make for a stronger character.