Going home for Christmas, or seeing the extended family over the break, meant two weeks filled with answering insufferable questions about your dating life: Have you met someone yet? Why are you still single? Are you putting yourself out there to meet someone?
Once you casually answer all these overbearing questions as calmly as possible while inwardly thinking “this is absolutely NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS,” then it’s time for everyone to tell you “don’t worry, the right guy will come along when the time is right.”
Really? That is your dating advice? Thank you so much everyone, I haven’t heard that one before. This new advice really completed my life.
I’m not saying that I’m not going to meet someone in a weird way, only to find that they are amazing. What I am saying is that you (the person giving me excellent advice) are condescending and, quite frankly, I don’t want your advice. No offense, but you aren’t helpful even in the slightest bit.
Before you get your panties in a knot, here’s why I’m over your “advice.”
1. Maybe I Like Being Single, Have You Ever Thought of That?
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe being single is my own personal choice? I may not have joined a convent and made a vow but, believe it or not, it is possible to be single because I enjoy it and I’m not willing to make any compromises on what I want when I do find a partner. Is that really so hard to believe?
2. Unless You Are the Holder of My Future, You Have No Idea
You can keep telling me that Bigfoot is out there and going to magically one day appear. Or maybe you should just tell me that Santa Claus is my man. Because quite frankly, I’m not a child – I don’t believe in “the one.” So please tell me then, who is my “right guy” so I can ask Santa to leave him under the tree for me next year. See what I’m saying?
3. I Have High Standards, Just Accept That
Please stop telling me that you know this “nice Catholic boy.” That is great, but I have different standards than that. I know what I want, my standards are high, and your proposed “right guy” is not going to fall below those standards.
4. I’m Confident in Who I Am and Don’t Need Someone Else to Complete Me
I’m an independent girl boss. I know what I want in life and I am confident in who I am. I do not need someone else in my life to miraculously define who I am as a person or my status in life. Please stop implying that I do.
5. Now You’re Just Being Condescending. There Is Nothing Wrong With Me
Okay it was cute the first year when I was 12. Now you’re just being patronizing. When you constantly ask about why I am still single for 11 years straight you are subtly implying that there is something wrong with my situation, or wrong with me. I am driven, independent and, again, I’m not going to settle. There is nothing wrong with this, or wrong with me. Thank you very much.
6. Life Can Go on Without a Significant Other You Know?
A guy is not a Band-Aid to my supposedly empty life. Please stop suggesting that having a man in my life is the answer to everything. I’m not going to wake up and suddenly realize what I want to do in life, or have less student debt. Without a man, I actually have the time to explore what I want, work on paying my own debt, and build a life. A guy is not the savior to my life. Time won’t freeze without him. Please stop demeaning the fact that I can be perfectly whole on my own.
7. Half the Time You Think I Date Too Much, and Now I’m Not Dating Enough. Please Make up Your Mind
I go out on first dates and it’s the end of the world, I’m dating too much. You need to control me. I must stop. But when I’m not dating because I’m busy and just don’t care, hell might freeze over. I might never find the right guy. I’m past my prime (so you think) and getting old, so how could I possibly meet anyone when all the good ones are taken?
Seriously, make up your mind.
8. I’m Too Busy Dating Frogs
See above. I’m busy going on various first dates that will never turn into second dates. I’m kissing frogs that will not turn into princes and I’m learning about what I do and do not want. Maybe one day a frog will turn into a prince.
9. Please Enlighten Me: What Constitutes the “Right Guy” Anyway?
You keep talking to me about this man, but you have yet to tell me what this really means. Since everyone you have ever met has not been right, please tell me what is “right,” because I’m not a child. I’m over your guessing games.
10. Help a Sister Out
Your words fall flat. You want me to meet the right guy? Then help a sister out. Do you know good single men? Maybe set me up on a date if you’re that concerned. Don’t forget that actions speak louder than words.
11. He’s Not Just Going to Fall From the Sky Or “Poof” out of Thin Air
Can we please take a moment to recognize that there is not going to be a fall-from-the-sky magical moment. Please stop trying to make my life a fairy tale. When I meet someone, it’s going to be in a way that suits my personality. In the meantime, stop trying to make it rain men.
12. Your Words Are Not Helping Me
I do not care how many times you tell me that Bigfoot is just going to come along. Your words are not helpful, and they certainly are not reassuring anymore. The reassurance ship sank 10 years ago.
13. You’re Right, I Will Meet the Right Guy… In My Own Way.
For all you know, maybe he’ll be on Tinder. When I want to meet someone, and when I’m at a place where I’m okay with sharing my life with someone, then I’ll make time for it. Right now, you’re still not helping me.