I’m now at the age when people, peers and elders alike ask me about having children. My answer is, and has been since I can remember, that I do not want any children. Almost inevitably, the inquirer will say, “oh, you will change your mind” or something else to the effect of my potential change of mind in the future. And I always want to say, “yeah, and your point is?” But of course, I never say that. I generally nod and smile and hope the conversation will change to something more interesting because I hope that the most fascinating thing about me is not my biological ability to reproduce.
But maybe I should start asking them what their point is, because I really don’t know. Imagine how strange and disrespectable it would be for me to tell a friend who wants to have two children that they will change their minds. Why is it that when it comes to those who don’t want children, it becomes okay for people to dismiss our current wants and desires?
Nobody has ever told me that I will change my mind about majoring in English. Nobody has ever told me that I will change my mind about becoming a teacher. Nobody ever says, “You’ll change your mind” when people are set to marry their partners. All of these are susceptible to a changing mind, but somehow, not having children seems to be the only thing that people think will change.
When people tell me that I will change my mind, it sounds like they are saying that what I think and I want are unimportant because of a potential change in the future. If you apply this idea to almost everything else that requires a stance, you realize how silly it is. Nobody can ever make a decision or have an opinion, because we might always change our minds.
I know I might change my mind. We all change our minds on various topics as we grow, learn, and experience. I have changed my mind about several things throughout my life. Maybe I will one day change my mind about having children. But that is in the future; that is not my state of my mind at this moment. Why should any changes in the future affect how I feel right now? I will one day be a grumpy old lady, but that does not affect my current youth and inexperience. I used to dislike short hair, I used to love dresses, I used to believe in marriage, I used to dislike Canadian history, and I used to believe and love and hate and want many thing that I no longer do. But does my present state of mind efface any of my past desires and interests? Surely not. I, as a person, is a continuum. I am never one moment in my life, but rather a sum of all the moments—past, present, and future.
And why do we treat changing minds as a bad thing, or something to be wary of? Of course, we should be mindful of consequences of our decisions and the things we do and say. Of course, we should consider short-term and long-term effects of our actions. But we should never avoid or downplay our current states of mind solely for a potential change in the future. I cannot predict the future, so why should I match my current thoughts and feelings with future ones that other people think I might have?