In September of 2015, I had the fortune of being randomly assigned to a room with Maria Benak at Queen’s University. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had just become friends with one of the best and weirdest people I’d ever meet. Since knowing Maria, she has become much more outgoing than when we had first met. When most people initially meet her, they have the incorrect notion that she is a quiet Greek girl who doesn’t have much to say. I have to say that those people are outrageously incorrect. Maria has opinions on everything and a joke to go along with them. A great example of this is her distrust of anybody who likes cilantro or grapefruits.
I hope her answers to these questions give you a sense of how odd (in the best way possible), yet incredible she is. Also, a huge thank you to Maria for answering these questions and for still being friends with me, even if I spelled her last name incorrectly for the first two years of our friendship. Cheers.
1. Would you rather have one eye or two noses?
“I would say one eye, because noses are gross – you sneeze out of them and they have hair – and if you have one eye, you can just put a lot of eyelash extensions on it and it will look better.”
2. If you could be any animal, what you would be and why?
“I want to say bunny, because they’re really cute and fluffers, or a giraffe, because they don’t make any noise and I think that’s suspicious – and they’re cool, tall, and spotty.”
3. What is the best book you’ve ever read, and why is it the best book?
“Running with Scissors by Augusten Burrows, because I read it when I was way too young to read it, so it had a more profound impact on me. I’d recommend it to anybody.”
4. Which reality show would you like to be a participant of?
“Keeping up With the Kardashians, because I’m a Karjenner fan and the recent news of Kylie Jenner’s baby child has made me want to be her even more. I was also going to say something about their bums, but that’s okay.”
5. If you had to marry Dwight Schrute or Michael Scott, who would you pick and why?
“Michael Scott, because he’s so weird but you can tell he has a big heart and would do really cute, nice things for you. Dwight would just treat you like Angela and I don’t really want to live on a beet farm.”
6. If a genie let you have three wishes, what would you wish for? (Selfish wishes only; world peace can wait.)
“My first wish would be to always wake up and have my hair look the way I want it to without having to do anything to it. My second wish would be to look like Kylie Jenner (Tyga stage – her lips weren’t as big then). My third wish would be to be better at math, because it’s embarrassing how incapable I am of doing basic math – even just figuring out tips or clearance discounts is hard.”
7. What do you think the best age to be is?
“25, because you’re not 30 yet but you’re also not 20 so people don’t see you as a child. You’re just in the middle, and at least I think for girls, you’ve reached an optimal stage of maturity and you hopefully have some type of job with some type of plan for life. Also, it’s not the name of a Taylor Swift song.”
8. If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
“Rafael from Jane the Virgin. He’s so, OMG I can’t even – every time I look at him on the Netflix screen – he’s just very dreamy. He’s also a good person who does things for charity, which is nice. Plus, a good husband and father. I just admire him.”
9. What is the best quality you look for in your friends?
“A sense of humour, because I can’t be the only one telling jokes all the time; it’s exhausting”
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? What is your most random pet peeve?
“My biggest pet peeve is when people put their toothbrush on the sink, because all I can think of is how many germs go onto it. Pretty much any bad bathroom hygiene bothers me. My most random pet peeve is when people are loud chewers, but I’m cool with it for mukbangs; see Trisha Paytas’ YouTube channel for details.”