Hey stranger,
You probably haven’t thought of me since you last called me fat or pushed me into the lockers on the last couple of days of eighth grade. But I sure as hell have thought about you. In fact, I’ve thought about you enough the past four years that it kind of ruined my life for a bit. Your words were constant in my head. Your actions made me fear making new friends and putting myself out there. Everything you ever did or said affected me exactly in the way that you thought it would.
I want you to know that what you’ve said nearly killed me. I was so depressed for so long that I nearly ended my life because of the amount of pain I would receive at school everyday. I would stay home and be excused early at the nurses’ office because I was afraid of the next flying pencil that would hit my back or the harmful slurs that would be thrown my way. You, as well as your friends nearly tore my insides apart.
Because of you, I was on the verge of an eating disorder back in my freshman year of high school. I was nearly anorexic because I felt I had to lose immense amounts of weight to fit your beauty standards. I spent a while binging and purging because I thought that was what I needed to do to stay skinny to “stay pretty,” because of the things you would say to me. In every sense of the word, you ended ‘the me’ I once was.
But at the same time, I want to thank you.
I hate everything you stand for, but you did not win. I would never condone the bullying that you did to me, because it destroyed the happy and innocent child I once was. But because of the endless chants you would say, about how ugly and fat I was provided me with important lessons in my life such as:
1. I should never let people like you tell me if I’m pretty or not. I decide if I’m pretty or not. Me. No one else. I don’t need anyone to say I’m pretty when I have the ability to think for myself on that subject.
2. Your words inspired me to grow a thicker shell. Now when someone decides to play smart and toss a comment at me, I wont be so fragile in accepting it. I’ll take it head on and challenge it. I will not accept defeat.
3. I am not the weak one. You are the weak one. I was just the person who you happened to take it out on. If you had a perfectly normal life, you wouldn’t feel the need to bully or hurt someone else. For that, I’m sorry that whatever you’ve had to go through was so bad that it made you want to hurt others, but it’s over now, you need to stop it.
4. The past is the past. We move on.
To this day I still think about what would be different if I had just stood up for myself and told you to go to hell, but at the same time, I’m almost happy I didn’t. Because of you, I am stronger than I would have ever been. Because of you, I had an essay topic to write for my top college, and I got in while also receiving a scholarship from the ability to prove myself. You made me work harder in my life, because I wanted to prove to people like you that you didn’t control me.
And you never will.
I don’t know where you are now, or what college you are attending. I don’t even know if you’ve changed or if you’ll ever read this, but just know that I’m not the same fragile girl I once was. I’m a strong, independent young woman, who has her whole life in front of her and people like you, or who you once were, will not stop me from succeeding in my dreams.
Despite everything that you’ve done to me, I honestly hope that you are doing well now. I hope that you are succeeding in whatever that you want to do and attending the college or having the job that you always wanted. And I hope that one day we can actually come together as mature adults and talk about what happened. Even after everything, I desire that we can both achieve in life because like I said-the past is in the past and I know both of us can come past this. If I can, so can you.
Sincerely,
Your victim
Photo Credit: 1