To The Boy Who Got Away:
We stole glances across the room and exchanged soft touches in secret. We were on the brink of something amazing, but time was the waves in an ocean that made sure our ships never met. You and I began this dance of always coming together and falling apart for a while, for too long, for so long that eventually it came to an end without us ever being able to sail our ships together. This is me saying I’m sorry that we were never able to figure it out, and that I let you get away. Sometimes I wish I could be a lighthouse shining to find you, to lead you back to me – but you’re gone, and I have nothing left but the fantasy of what could’ve been.
Although we never found the right time to be together, you still changed my life. It was a normal day when I first met you, and it became an amazing day when I realized that I found someone like you. The talks we had, the moments we shared, the connection we grew was unlike anything I ever knew. Even if it was a simple friendship, I felt myself allow you in. My heart told me that you were something special, but my mind told me it could never work. Practicality won – and I feel as though I’ve lost.
It came down to timing, and even if we never got to give this a chance, the thought of what could’ve been haunts my every day. You gave me something to believe in – a chance to see that not all guys are the same. I spent my life being let down by men, and I told you I could never let my walls down and open up. You showed me what it was to be genuinely cared about. You showed me that I was beautiful. You showed me that I was capable of being wanted. I regret not giving you a chance because I was scared and because miles separated us and the timing wasn’t right. I let my fears take the wheel until it drove me so far away from you that you found someone else. I bet she’s everything you ever wanted and I hope she is because you deserve that.
I protect myself to a fault – I build my walls so far up around me that, when a good guy comes along, I can’t see high enough over to let him in. I kept a thick glass wall between us, and I saw you standing there, being perfect for me, but I couldn’t break the barriers. I couldn’t let myself fall out of my bubble and into the scary world of a relationship. Somehow, I forgot that, although I was taking my time deciding, you didn’t have to wait for me. I could never ask you to wait for me to figure it out, even if I wanted you to.
Now you’re gone and I keep the memories of you close to my heart. The smiles, the laughs, the moments that seem so insignificant now but were so important to me. It’s a bittersweet recollection to think of you and what could’ve been. Along with the happiness I feel in knowing you comes the sharp bite of knowing I lost you – but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Thank you. Thank you for being a lesson I had to learn. Thank you for being the first guy I even came close to trusting. I believe that if two people are meant to be together, they’ll eventually find their way back. For now, we sail our ships on this very large ocean of life – but maybe one day, if the tides and the winds are just right, I can find you again. I’ll be missing you.
From,
A Girl Who Made a Mistake