With Sexual Violence Awareness and Prevention Week beginning at Penn State, there are a lot of ways a friend can help someone who has been sexually hurt or abused. The sad reality is that college campuses are, quite literally, the hunting ground. If you haven’t seen the film “The Hunting Ground,” I suggest you watch it first to understand the height of this situation, and how often it truly does happen on campuses — no matter how small or large.
Outside of the film, there are many of people who are constantly affected by sexual violence — some whom even may be friends of yours. Though you should never force someone to tell you about abuse, there are many signs that an individual has been sexually assaulted. Some include:
- Self-injury (cutting, burning)
- Inadequate personal hygiene
- Drug and alcohol abuse
- Suicide attempts
- Compulsive eating or dieting
- Depression, anxiety
And those are just a few of the many symptoms that might occur. Now let’s say you’ve recognized the situation. It is not your job to pry into their lives and ask them for information. Let your friend come to you. Sexual assault is a horrifying experience that most don’t want to remember, and they need time to heal.
If your friend does speak to you about it, you may feel at a loss. Of course there is the initial want to help them, but sometimes we just don’t know what to do. In this article, we explore what we can do to help our friends when they truly need us the most.
Believe unconditionally
This one should be obvious. When someone tells you they have been sexually assaulted, they are rarely lying. Believe them with your whole heart because they need you to be by their side.
Let them control the situation
Though we all have the feeling deep inside us that we want to instantly report abuse to the university or to the police, we are not the victims. Let your friend decide the amount of time they need to heal, and let them know about the options they have, but let them decide on what they want to do. They are the ones that need to be comfortable.
Assure them that it wasn’t their fault
This should come as a no brainer. It is never the victims fault for something someone imposed and inflicted on them. Remind them every now and then that it is not their fault for what happened, and avoid any questions that may seem judgmental, like “Why didn’t you scream?” or “I would have done this…”
Show that you want to listen
By the time they inform you of what happened, it could be half an hour later or ten and a half years later. Either way, you need to show your friend that you want to listen and that you are there for them. Remember, their sense of trust has been destroyed and they are confiding in you. It is important for you to honor their voice.
Encourage your friend to get medical attention ASAP
Notice that I say encourage. Not demand, not tell, not command — encourage. They should do this on their own time, but please, bring it to their mind. You can receive free medical attention from a private doctor, clinic or hospital emergency room.
Don’t be afraid to ask for outside help
Whoever your friend is, they might need medical help or counseling after such a bad event. There are so many places nowadays that you can go to for help. There are hotlines and plenty of resources at many colleges that can help, including here in State College:
- Sexual Assault Hotline at PSU — 1-800-560-1637
- The Student Health Center, or SHC, offers many resources for sexual abuse survivors, as well as other medical facilities as well.
- CAPS, the student psychological services on campus, offers counseling that is one-on-one or in groups. Both have options for sexual abuse victims and they are able to help anyone.
If you or you friend has been sexually assaulted, talk about it with someone. It’s a real issue that needs to be discussed more. On that note, stay safe, collegiettes.
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