Everyone’s parents are different and that includes their parenting methods. Whether you grew up with strict or non-strict parents, it has some impact on the people we become. Our writers have experienced both strict and non-strict parenting styles and are sharing how it has affected their upbringing:
Abby: Non-strict
Growing up, my parents never really set “rules” or “boundaries.” There was never any grounding or curfews. It’s not that they didn’t care. They cared just as much as other parents did, but they always said that they “trusted me” and knew I wouldn’t get myself into trouble. And if I did, it was a lesson that I would learn. They were fully confident in the fact that I could be responsible and I knew I would do the right thing. I rarely ever had to ask my parents for permission to do things, even though I did most times because their answer was normally always yes. My parents were the opposite of most of my friends’ parents and so they were always considered the “cool parents.” I think growing up with divorced parents affected that in some ways. My parents weren’t the best with communicating with one another so making any decisions about what I could do wasn’t talked about. Although my parents were very laid back and easy going, they were still fully invested in what was going on in my life and they were never “absent.” In a way, I’m grateful that they weren’t strict because it taught me to be responsible and make decisions for myself, whether they were good or bad.
Courtney: Non-strict turned strict
Some people wonder whether it is best to have strict or non-strict parents and which is better than the other. From my own experience, I have experienced both. When my mom was a single mother, I was spoiled and able to do anything I wanted. She would take me to my friend’s house, buy me random gifts as surprises, and many other things along these lines.
This, of course, all changed once she married my stepdad. I was nine years old and told to keep my grades up or else I would be grounded for a month. My mom became stricter with me as well when we moved to Ohio. My grades came first and if the grade card had anything lower than a B, I was grounded for a month from everything. My parents were hard on me with grades, and whether or not I was allowed to be out past midnight. I was not allowed to go out with friends on weekends as often because I had to babysit my siblings while they went to do emergency veterinary calls.
My parents became a lot stricter with me because they wanted me to excel in school and get into a good college. If it wasn’t for them being so strict, I may not have been able to get into the college I wanted to. I am thankful to have strict parents because I know they were not strict to be mean, they were strict because they wanted me to succeed in school and my future.
Brittany: Both
It seems like I was the only one of my friend group who had one strict parent and one non-strict parent. All my friends from home had pretty non-strict parents that let them do almost anything they wanted. My parents are divorced and I have three older siblings so I assumed that my parents really wouldn’t be strict at all. I figured they would just be “parented” out at that point and didn’t care what I did. Boy, was I wrong. The strict parent was my mom. My mother was so strict and overprotective that she wouldn’t let me walk to the bus stop by myself or walk down to my neighbor’s house (which literally was ten feet across our cul de sac) without watching me. Not to mention, if I didn’t answer a phone call- phone was taken away. She decided I was texting too much- phone taken. Curfews were a hard deadline and if I didn’t make it home by then and she didn’t know three hours in advance that I would be two minutes late, I might as well just not come home because I was going to be in a LOT of trouble. Missing school, because I was sick, was never an option. I once got sick before school and my mother said, “you have nothing left in you, you’re fine to go to school. Go get dressed.” …ok, Mom.
On the opposite spectrum though, my dad was one of the least strict parents ever. He pretty much adopted the, “I’ve had three other children/I’m done parenting”, mentality. There have been times where he has said, “be ready by 11 pm”, and I come strolling out of my best friend’s house at 11:15 pm. He was always pretty lenient and understanding though. My dad had one set of rules that has pretty much formed into a motto that has been repeated many times. His motto is, “I don’t care what you do. Just don’t give me a grandchild, I don’t want the police calling me, I don’t want the morgue calling me, and I don’t want to see you on the news for something stupid.” Four simple rules that my dad lives by when it comes to parenting.
(it’s funny because this guy’s name is Phil and my dad’s name is Phil)
I’d like to say that having a mix of those two types of parenting has helped me be disciplined but also lenient with rules and allowing myself not to be too hard on myself or others. I definitely embody a lot more of my dad’s outlook on things with being lenient and understanding but there are plenty of times where I am a stickler for rules and structure, especially in sports or competitions. In any case, though, I am more like my dad and I think that is because he had such a laidback look on life.
Alicia: Strict
I was raised in what I like to call a diverse household. My mother is Latina and my father is a born and raised Pittsburgh man. Growing up the hardass was always my mom and the more lenient parent has always been my dad. My mother is very overprotective and slightly irrational at times, however, I would consider her the most amazing and loving mother a child could have. My dad is lenient but strict, I would equate it to sleeping on a mattress that is firm yet comforting. All throughout my childhood, I have tried to be rebellious but never really was very successful, my mom is too strict for that. I did not drive until well after all of those around me could. I had to choose a college that was within a certain radius that my mom came up with, I was never allowed to dye my hair ‘crazy’ colors, tattoos are something that only criminals have (more on that later), and piercings are only meant for your ears.
In high school, I was more of a loner and never attended parties because ‘that’s not something we are going to do’ along with not consuming alcohol. Upon coming to college I let loose. I got a tattoo my freshman year which led to one of the biggest fights I have ever had with my parents, I knew it was wrong by their standards so I tried to hide it, but one loose fitting tank top on a hot summer day led to my demise. My mom found it and the look on her face told me I had messed up, needless to say, she was disappointed in me. She said things to me that still hurt to this day, but I try to look beyond it, miserably fail, but I try. My dad cried, which is not something that I see often and that truly broke my heart. At the time my 19-year-old self just lashed out and cried and screamed but eventually, we were able to talk about what happened and somewhat move on. I recently got another tattoo but this one I actually told her that I got it and showed her as soon as I walked through the front door of my home. She was unhappy but certainly did not ask me about communicable diseases.
Lately, I have found myself wanting to get my nose pierced, probably not my smartest choice, but they’re so cute. When I told my mom that I was thinking about piercing my nose she was less than thrilled and told me my boogers were going to come out of my nose. I don’t exactly think that is how that works but i’m not gonna be the one to say that to her, she’s scary. I hope she doesn’t read this and kill me from 120 miles away.
Sorya: Non-strict
My mind is blown whenever I am told stories about crazy, strict parents. I mean my parents were by no means careless. I had a curfew. I had to let my parents know where I was. I had to get good grades and have my life together, but as long as I did those things, my parents were okay with me doing most things. Like I said, they were easy going but they were not careless, they wouldn’t let me do drugs or buy me alcohol but were always okay with me driving to Santa Cruz to go to the beach, going to San Francisco to concerts or even going to San Jose to go to parties. My parents are very young and they remember the things that they did as teens. These memories made them want an honest relationship with me. They felt more comfortable allowing me to do things and having me tell them about it than having me lie about where I am and who I am with.
Personally, I agree with this type of parenting. Because of the way I was raised, I have always had and continue to have a very open and honest relationship with my parents. I am very close to them and even though they have always pushed me to do well, they have also always trusted me to make my own decisions and trusted that I would make the correct ones.