The morning after a break-up is one of the most jarring, indescribable moments that people often find themselves in again and again. There’s the sound of the alarm clock, the groan, then turning it off. Then you lie there for a moment feeling like something is missing. And then your brain quickly revs up and there’s a very sad realization and “aha” moment. Then your brain fights off the feeling of dread and demands time to be rewound to five seconds ago, when it had just been awoken out of blissful ignorance.
We’ve all been there, some of us more than others. Even though Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and all anyone should be thinking about is hearts, pink, and getting flowers, it’s important to remember those dreaded morning moments and how to learn from them because they let us realize true happiness when we see it. Don’t forget, darkness is only the absence of light, and when life seems completely dark, it’s just a friendly reminder of what true light is.
But back to the morning blues. I’m not going to say that there’s a magical cure, and I strongly advise against rushing through the healing process. It takes time for a reason. Just think to when a person is injured physically, they do not magically heal by rushing through the steps to heal a twisted ankle – no, it takes time and patience and more than a little support. For this reason alone, I believe that the first day after a break-up is most important; it sets the pace for the rest of the healing process. Do not wake up and think about moving on, keeping your chin up, or worse, getting even. Be sad. Sadness has such a negative connotation in our culture, but it’s okay and furthermore healthy to have the blues. In the initial days after a devastation of the heart, it’s okay to cry, listen to sad songs, and watch chick flicks with a box of tissues. At some point, yes, you will have to put your chin up and be brave, but be sad until then. If you feel embarrassed about being sad, or feel like it’s not right, remember that it’s a grieving process – you’ve lost someone important in your life and the healing process needs to begin.
People will want to rally around you and tell you that things will be okay, and that there are many fish in the sea, but if you don’t feel like listening, don’t. Tell them you need to be sad, and if they’re the right people, they will understand.
And eventually, the tears will stop, the sad music will get quieter, and you’ll either run out of tissues, or you’ll put the sad DVDs away. Now is the time to take care of you and your needs. So pick up the pieces, and try again when you’re ready. Until then, smile when you’re happy, cry when you’re sad, and laugh as often as possible. And when you least expect it, a new light will break the darkness.