When my parents fell in love while studying in different countries, they sent each other long slow letters and talked on the phone once every few… weeks. Because she didn’t know when exactly my dad would call, my mom went home during lunch every day and sat diligently by the phone, afraid she would miss the coveted ring.
Today, we read these myths of long-suffered long-distance relationships like romantic tales of old, to which it is hard to relate. In the age of technology and the ’s, when you can flip through an entire book on a flat screen and have an hour-long phone call while looking at the interlocutor’s face, it is hard to imagine being out of touch with your significant other. You can always text/call/chat/BBM/message/wall-post/leave a voicemail, right?
Unfortunately, neither teleportation nor the double-robot has been invented yet, and one thing you can’t do through a touch screen is actually touch the person you are longing for. Being in a long-distance relationship is difficult for many reasons, and possibly the most jarring one is the lack of physical contact and, well, the harsh reality of no sex.
Fortunately, if you are brave and feel comfortable enough with your partner, exploring your e-sexuality on could alleviate a lot of the frustration of long-distance romance, and make for some really fun times. The most important rule here is, mutual trust is extremely important in any sexual relationship, and you have to be very comfortable with every aspect of your physical and spiritual connection with the other person before jumping into the realm of virtual pleasure.
Another warning: the concept of Skype sex may seem dangerously close to the kinds of sexual representation that make us raise our brows in disgust and anger, turn away from the computer screen and raise a complaint to whomever we see fit in the particular situation. But ultimately, it is a virtual exchange of intimate actions—possibly masturbation, but not necessarily—and verbal communication, which could very easily be happening if the two users were lucky enough to be in the same bed. And, frankly, even though it is definitely not as good as the real thing, Skype sex could be quite satisfying and decisive for the continuation of long-distance relationship.
Before you start, explore the way you feel and let your partner do the same. Be confident in your attractiveness and sex appeal: your partner is already attracted to you and distance only augments the desire. Talk about the things you want, expect and like about your new adventure. Identify at least one thing that turns each of you on, and focus on it, be it a particular movement/action or a specific language or mode of verbal description. Be generous, but also make sure you are left happy and satisfied. Start slowly. Be comfortable and sensual. Don’t hesitate to stop at any point or, for that matter, pursue any idea that inspires and excites you during the act. Be verbal. If you feel like kissing, kiss. If you masturbate, enjoy it the way you would on your own. Communicate. Finish together and then lay around and pillow talk, the way you would after a good time in person. Talk about anything that you loved or hated about the experience, express all concerns, fears and embarrassments.
When you set a Skype date with a twist, make it as private as possible. If necessary, wear headphones. Go for the bed and not the chair—you want to have enough room to move. Keep your eyes on your boyfriend/girlfriend on the screen, but be in touch with your own body too: looking at your image in the little square that appears in the corner of the screen will remind you of the fun and sensual activity you are partaking of and will give you confidence.
If you decide that Skype sex is your cup of tea, treat it as an experience as real and intimate as sex itself. It will leave you physically satisfied and rejuvenated and will strengthen the bond that is keeping you and your significant other together across the distance. You will be surprised to discover the positive consequences—let’s just say that watching someone pleasure him or herself could be an important learning experience.